Idaho-based paramedical esthetician Karan Mari runs a website selling “My New Pink Button” vaginal dyes.
In four shades of pink — each named after a pinup model/movie star — the paint is “a temporary dye [designed] to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia. There is no other product like it.”
Each kit contains 20 applications worth of the genital dye, and is, “easy to use — applies in just one minute — and your pink is back!” There are no (safety) instructions provided on using Pink Button products for tie-dying purposes, however. Because that would just be madness, now, wouldn’t it? Also, the line has never been tested on animals — but, wait for it, “will bring out the Animal in you.” (Just by the way, all these quotes come directly from the company’s e-commerce site.)
1. Reviewers on Amazon — where the product would normally be sold, were it not currently OUT OF STOCK — have been having “fun” with their feedback.
3. These sorts of comments would sound great voiced over during an “As Seen on TV” infomercial.
6. Although there’s, of course, one concerned parent in the mix.
7. And this person didn’t read the “how to use” guide properly. Oh dear.
8. Male reviewers are also leaving their thoughts — from sad stories.
9. To, oh wait, more sad stories.
10. Those guys standing up for the feminist cause at hand.
11. And those guys who just wanted to try the product themselves too.
12. One would-be buyer was told “[not to take] this so seriously.”
And yet only one review seems to be from an actual, verified vaginal dye shopper. She’s happy.
So there you go.