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Real-Life Rose Nylund Swallows Diamond At Charity Gala

If this isn’t a modern day Golden Girls plotline then I don’t know what is.

1. This is a totally true story. Except the parts about the Golden Girls, sadly.

2. Meet Miriam Tucker, here with her friends* Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia.

(She’s standing behind Sophia.)

*disclaimer: again, all Golden Girls references in this story are fictional.

3. Miriam and her friends attended a glamorous charity gala in Tampa last week.

(Miriam’s not in this photo because she’s taking it, obvi.)

4. The party featured a special competition to win a $5,000 diamond.

Yay!

5. The diamond sat in one special glass of $20 champagne.

Blanche thought she’d won it, but she hadn’t. She just got a crappy little cubic zircona like everyone else.

6. Miriam won the diamond!

Yay!

7. One problem: she swallowed the prize.

She explained that, being a refined lady, she didn’t want to put her fingers in her champagne. So she took a quick little swig… and then realized she’d gulped the jewel down with it.

8. Really though, what else could she have done?

9. This is how Dorothy feels about the whole situation.

10. And this is how Sophia feels.

11. Poor Miriam had to explain what had happened to the gala’s organisers.

She felt so silly. Oh dear.

12. Fortunately, she had a colonoscopy scheduled soon afterwards, because, you know…

13. And so she had a doctor “recover” the pricy rock.

14. So now she’s the proud owner of a one-carat diamond.

Yay!

15. And she (maybe, but probably not) cashed it in to buy a throne and paid these buff guys to be her pelvic-thrusting guards.

Get it, Miriam.

h/t HuffPo

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