Quiz: Berlin Fashion Week Or Something Less Crazy Than Berlin Fashion Week?

I hope you’re ready for toilet paper gas masks and ice cube mohawks.

There are twenty-six (and a half) questions, but this is not really a serious quiz.


Just fyi.

1. Berlin Fashion Week or a post-apocalyptic crafting project?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. Outlandish looks from the Irene Luft show, specifically.

2. Berlin Fashion Week or a parachute gone wrong?

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Answer: Both, but mainly Berlin Fashion Week. This is a look from the Dietrich Emter show.

3. Berlin Fashion Week or malnourished hipster wedding party?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. The grand finale from the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Berlin Spring/Summer 2014 Preview Show hosted by Grazia. Yes, the male model really is eating his bouquet. (And yes, there’s an argument to be made that hipsters try to look malnourished.)

4. Bridalwear take #2: Berlin Fashion Week or that girl you’re friends with on Facebook who you just knew would have an “alternative” wedding just to prove a point?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. Because that girl has to get her ideas from somewhere, and that somewhere is the Anja Gockel show.

5. Berlin Fashion Week or a guy who fell on some graffiti while it was still drying?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. Another look from the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Berlin Spring/Summer 2014 Preview Show hosted by Grazia.

6. Berlin Fashion Week or a lady who fell onto a Jackson Pollock painting while it was still drying?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A look from the Laurel show, which is quite nice really. Irridescent sequins, come on now.

Noticed a theme to the answers yet? Yeah, there’s a pretty consistent one.

7. Berlin Fashion Week or the changing room at your local gym during the day?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week, but a collection clearly inspired by scenes from the changing room in your local gym during the day. Or, at least, my local gym.

8. Berlin Fashion Week or some ‘armless fashion student fun?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A look from the EP_Anoui By Eva Poleschinski show, and a terrible pun from me.

9. Berlin Fashion Week or late ’90s raver girls?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A trio of models from the Miranda Konstantinidou show.

10. How about now: Berlin Fashion Week or late ’90s raver girl?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A trick question, psych! (Ok, it wasn’t a trick question really, it’s still clearly the Miranda Konstantinidou show.)

11. Berlin Fashion Week or some “starlet” from last year’s crop of reality TV shows trying to attract some paparazzi attention?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week.

12. Berlin Fashion Week or a genie of the lampshade? (She’ll grant you three wishes but only if you’re using an energy-saving lightbulb.)

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. Another look from the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Berlin Spring/Summer 2014 Preview Show hosted by Grazia.

13. Berlin Fashion Week or a promotional model for one of those tacky bars made entirely out of ice?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A model backstage before the Moga E Mago Show.

Also, the show’s black models got black ice mohawks.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

14. Berlin Fashion Week or an average morning’s commute in the city?

TOBIAS SCHWARZ / Reuters

Answer: Both! This is a model parading in the “Chevrolet Underground Catwalk” fashion show, as part of Berlin Fashion Week — but as you can tell from the nonplussed commuters’ expressions, they probably see this shit all the time. Oh, Europe!

15. Berlin Fashion Week or some half-hearted folks going on one of those “Zombie Walks” around the city?

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Answer: More from Berlin Fashion week, and that zany “Chevrolet Underground Catwalk” fashion show. And you’d look as crazed/feral as the guy here if you were forced into a shiny silver strapless mini dress straight out of Deena Cortese’s wardrobe, so #nojudgementsplease.

16. Berlin Fashion Week or a broken ankle, snapped mid-snap?

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Answer: Both. This is a tragic, inevitably bone-shattering accident happening at the conclusion of the Kilian Kerner show.

17. Berlin Fashion Week or AAPR Fashion Week?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. A senior citizen model in the Umasan show. Incidentally, the AAPR Magazine is holding a 50+ model search, though.

18. Berlin Fashion Week or an Etsy seller upcycling plant pots?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. But also Etsy, surely.

19. Berlin Fashion Week or a rejected Game of Thrones costume?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. This has shades of Margaery Tyrell about it, but it’d need to be a lot more revealing to fit in her wardrobe.

20. Berlin Fashion Week or some terrifying half-man, half-sleeping bag mutant?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. And the HTW Berlin show again — likely from HTW Berlin straight to the SkyMall catalog, that is. This is the sort of thing that’d be advertised as a comfortable alternative to one of those silly orthopedic neck pillows.

21. Berlin Fashion Week or a really brazen “aspirin” addict?

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Answer: This is a big, quilted vagina. It could only be Berlin Fashion Week. (And it could only be the HTW Berlin show, because it’s on a nonsensical roll here.)

By “aspirin,” I mean Ecstacy, because those are certainly not just Styrofoam beads in this model’s sheer plastic coat.

22. Berlin Fashion Week or cult members about to surprise everyone and start singing Kumbaya?

TOBIAS SCHWARZ / Reuters

Answer: Berlin Fashion week, and back to the “Chevrolet Underground Catwalk” fashion show in particular. The only cult these kids follow is… the cult of fashion, of course. (The Church of Lagerfeld, specifically.)

23. Berlin Fashion Week or a “high-fashion” Swiffer mop demo?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week! This is Deyvn Abdullah, who won a spot on the Guido Maria Kretschmar runway during a challenge on The Face.

24. Berlin Fashion Week or the Elvish thief who’s been stealing all your comfy checkered socks from the dryer?

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Answer: Officially it’s Berlin Fashion Week. But I’ve got my eye on this shifty-looking model and her suspicious chunky wrap.

25. Berlin Fashion Show or a late Monday afternoon dreamscape?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week, and well-meaning designer Marc Stone making abs-centric dreams come true.

26. Berlin Fashion Week or the beginnings of a bizarre sportswear striptease?

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Answer: Berlin Fashion Week. This is the HTW Berlin show, and a careful examination of the photo suggests the male model here is just detaching a panel from his female model counterpart’s jacket — it’s fastened with Velcro. It’s time fashion shows banned Velcro along with underage waifs, let’s be real here.

27. Berlin Fashion Week or, OK, this sort of shit could only happen at Fashion Week, really.

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28. Let’s finish on an empowering note, though.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Fashion is meant to be fun. Berlin Fashion Week brings it.

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