1. Vicky Vox opened the show in a fabulous silky draped gown.
2. But then she ripped it off, because 1) drag queens know how to make a fucking entrance and 2) there’s more fashion to behold.
3. FABULOUS FASHION. Fabulous lipstick.
And you realize it’s only the first look in the show and you’re already like:
4. Carmen Carrera followed in an intricate bikini, serving more body than your faves could ever.
5. Next up: Shangela. Hallelu!
6. Shangela’s heels deserve a moment of their own, because they’re the stuff of most wobbly novice models’ nightmares.
Clearly, when it comes to the shoe stakes, Miss Shangela is a size queen.
7. Detox pulls off a colorful, geometric-printed gown just as well as she does monochrome.
And there’s some funky stuff happening with her heels too.
8. If you ignore the odd talon hand thing going on, Raja’s walk (and posing) certainly back up her status as a “runway girl.”
Also, this is as good a time as any to link to that epic “Runway Girl” Drag Race remix.
9. Willam looked a little bored, but that’s her thing.
Willam also looked to be sans underwear, which is also kind of her thing.
10. All that needs to be said about warrior queen Yara Sofia is ECHA PA’LANTE… or else.
11. This is Adore Delano and her crazy Top Model poses. Adore is heavily rumored to be part of the cast on RuPaul’s Drag Race season six.
You may also recognize Adore as delightfully sassy former American Idol hopeful Danny Noriega.
12. And in other Idol alum news, this is Courtney Act. She appeared on Australian Idol in the Down Under show’s first season.
Rumors also see Courtney in the lineup for the next Drag Race season.
Hopefully she and Adore will have a sing off, if only so someone can judge it and Adore can recreate the iconic “someone WASN’T LIKING IT” GIF as above.
13. Mayhem Miller is plucked, tucked and working the shit out of a boxy pleated peplum.
14. Another peplum, and some chipmunk cheeks: Manila Luzon.
15. And, finally, a skintight jumpsuit. This is Rhea Litre.
16. And, again, finally, it’s time for some Alyssa Edwards. Who knows what’s going with her crumpled orgami skirt, but still.
17. Anyway, Alyssa posed like this and this and this and it was all fucking awesome.
18. Thus, the only way to top Alyssa Edwards (minds out of the gutter people, OUT of the gutter) is to be a bearded lady. A beautiful bearded lady.
This totally floral-leotarded lady is Mathu Andersen, makeup artist and Drag Race producer.
19. There were also “regular” male models on the runway. But with beards not quite as exciting.
Those legs, tho. Those legs.
20. Despite their gratuitously skimpy attire, some of the guys went for the macho model look.
21. While others read (to filth) from the book of voguing.
22. More voguing. Also, the guys’ leggings featured sheer ass panels. In case, you know, you weren’t convinced of their RTW brilliance already.
23. Memo to guys this attractive: don’t bother with any clothes other than underwear.
And only keep the undies on because we appreciate some semblance of mystique. (We also appreciate Mystique Summers Madison, just FYI.)
24. This guy got the memo. Good job you.
25. At one point, five guys walked as a group and had a little Kazaky-style moment.
26. Which was divine. And a clearly competitive pose-off.
27. And the queens all walked the runway together for the finale desperate to outdo each others’ blending/pouting/posing too. I couldn’t even call that if I wanted to.
28. Finally, designer Marco Morante popped up to take his bow and give everyone the finger. Yay!
29. p.s. Lindsay Lohan sat front row, and took pictures with the male models afterwards.
As if the show weren’t already too gay to function, Lindsay was even seated only four spots away from her Mean Girls co-star Daniel Franzese.