1. Colombian swimwear label Maaji presented their latest collection at Miami Swim Week recently.
2. AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU’VE GOT TO WALK THE PLANK, GET IT?
If you don’t get the joke you also have to walk the plank. Sorry not sorry.
3. Models strutted their swashbuckling stuff in big floppy pirate hats.
4. Pirate headscarves.
5. And, oh but of course, pirate eyepatches.
6. Some models carried bags or satchels perfect for stashing pieces of eight. Or, you know, a beach towel, some sun tan lotion and a trashy romance novel.
7. Many of the models were styled in collars and cuffs plundered from merchant ships’ crews, or something.
(Perhaps maybe just from a navy surplus store, but that’s less fun.)
8. This lady landed a jacket whole — no parts ripped off. (She must be some sort of pirate queen!) No pants to match though, but no one cares when you’re on the open seas, me hearty.
9. Whereas this model cobbled together her look from some old lace curtains and a tablecloth stolen from some poor residents of a small, recently-pillaged Mediterranean island.
Somewhere on that island, an old lady is weeping noisily over her lost linens. I hope you’re happy, pirate model.
10. Speaking of happy, there were some male models.
For some reason, they didn’t have to dress up like pirates at all. Girl models have all the fun these days, even at swimwear shows.
11. Some of the girl models walked in “regular” swimwear too, though.
12. Some got lucky with sporty swim separates.
Sure, the boots are still clunky. But it’s a start.
13. And — ahoy — some boho beachy pieces too.
14. Then also, some lingerie. Why not? Anything goes at Miami Swim Week.
15. All the finale is missing was a parrot. (And some rum.)
And let’s not forget the DSquared2 menswear show managed to rustle up a live one, so it’s always possible.
16. Also, someone let Real Housewife of Miami Marysol Patton backstage.
No idea why, but let’s imagine she’s shouting “ahoy!” or “I have a mild case of scurvy!”