1. This single look from the Jeremy Scott collection sums up how everyone feels by the last day of New York Fashion Week.
Pity those of us who trek around the European show circuit too. PITY US.
3. Whereas fellow quintessentially American designer Michael Kors kept things much more pale and neutral.
This season, Kors’ safari school is taking on boarders.
4. Runway notes backstage at Kors: “Kill them with chic.”
Because the fashion industry doesn’t do kind, at least not this season.
5. Meanwhile at Calvin Klein, a paparazzi photographer tried to kill Nicole Kidman, period.
Photographer Carl Wu ran his bicycle into poor Nicole outside the show while trying to snap her photo. She fell over.
Though Kidman will reportedly press charges, she recovered in time to take her front row seat for the show.
6. In other accidents: A broken elevator at the Philosophy by Natalie Ratabesi show left top fashion editors in a pickle, briefly. Fire trucks were called to help them all out.
7. At Tommy Hilfiger, the models walked on a boardwalk in lieu of a traditional runway.
The runway set was created with actual sand — that inevitably got in my sandals.
The surfer-inspired collection’s finale walked to the tune of The Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ USA.”
An obvious choice, but still delightful.
8. Meanwhile, Phillip Lim’s collection was inspired by the illustrations in high school geology textbooks.
Or “Trying to find some stable ground in the turmoil of our ecosystems.” Yeah, what he said.
And really, the only thing better than geology-themed sweaters is geology CAKE.
Which, for all we know, might have been served backstage at the show. OK, it wasn’t, but that’s a shame.
9. The Alice + Olivia presentation, which was lovely, featured lampposts and bell jars. It’s all about the staging!
And Johnny Weir was there. JOHNNY WEIR!
Now that’s scandalous. That being the arm cuff, specifically.
10. Weir also attended The Blonds show, which featured arguably the BEST front row possible.
In other words, TYRA BANKS IN THE HOUSE. Or, really, IN MILK STUDIOS. (But only briefly, showing up less than five minutes pre-show and dashing out right afterward. Other celebs, like, say, Iggy Azalea, took the cargo lifts back downstairs with regular folk.)
11. Also at The Blonds: Amanda Lepore!
12. The show opened with designer Phillippe Blond emerging in a crystal-covered space suit and performing an astronautical striptease.
13. The Karen Walker show featured the second most fabulous front row in all of New York Fashion Week history.
Ari Seth Cohen’s Advanced Style muses.
14. And Walker’s show also featured lots of cute, youthful separates.
Layering is big, and so those bobble hats your grandma used to knit you and insist you wear during the winter as a child. Send her a nice letter and ask for another, she’ll be thrilled to hear from you!
15. Anyway, here’s Anna Wintour finding out we said her front row appearances were less fab than the above old ladies.
WAIT FOR IT.
Side-eye. Textbook-worthy side-eye.
Phillip Lim will use this photo as inspiration for his next textbook photo-themed collection, we can only hope.
16. And then also, in front row scenes that couldn’t be any less fabulous, here’s Real Housewife of D.C. Michaele Salahi and her husband, Journey guitarist Neil Schon.
For unknown reasons, they landed front row seats at a number of this season’s fashion shows. Of course, Salahi and her former husband Tareq infamously crashed a 2009 state dinner at the White House, so, you know…
17. Their makeout session spiced things up at the Rachel Zoe show, which was otherwise another collection of clothes Zoe would have worn herself in the ’70s.
And then Roger would find the photos in an album hidden in a box at the back of one of Rachel’s many closets during an episode of The Rachel Zoe Show (RIP). He will be instructed by a producer — who, of course, already knows about the album — to open the box, then the album in turn, chuckle wryly, and then gleefully show the camera. Cut to an interview with Rachel, who will remark, inevitably, “I DIE.” End scene.
18. Reem Acra’s collection was also ’70s themed. But with disco glamour, which is always a good thing!
But perhaps the real treat was the hair — of which there was lots.
CRIMP CRIMP CRIMP LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW.
20. And as well as the hair, when continuing with the theme of “clothes for Rachel Zoe in times past,” there’s the Thom Browne collection in all its wonderfully bizarre glory:
Perhaps not quite as epic as Browne’s latest menswear collection, but still a damn good show.
Browne explained, just in case you were confused, that his collection was inspired by — wait for it — “insane Elizabethan clowns.”
Insane. Elizabethan. Clowns.
Sure to be THE beauty look coming out of New York Fashion Week, yes/no? I can’t wait for the YouTube tutorials, personally.
The show also featured pearly cat purses, in case “insane Elizabethan clowns” wasn’t good enough already.
And is thus the best drag queen’s take on Tudor monarchs’ finery since, well, last season’s Alexander McQueen collection.
21. McQueen creations may have loosely inspired this tulle-laden masterpiece from Oscar de la Renta’s show.
Alexander McQueen resort 2010 (left); Oscar de la Renta spring 2014 (right).
22. Consistently embodying prim perfection, de la Renta’s show didn’t disappoint (people who wear de la Renta’s clothes, that is).
And the designer took his final bow with both Karlie Kloss AND Joan Smalls.
Sometimes it’s fine to show off like that, because when you can book both Kloss and Smalls for your show, you should remind everyone.
23. For the picture-perfect daughter of de la Renta’s Stepford Wives, there’s the Tory Burch collection.
24. At the show, Emmy Rossum, who’s pretending to be a photographer… when she’s actually just taking blurry shots of the floor.
Also worthy of note: Rashida Jones in hipster glasses.
25. Whereas for the rebellious daughter of said same Stepford Wife, there’s Rodarte.
A little bit of acting out is fine, of course, because the little hell-raiser will be a robot before she’s off to college.
26. Also, returning briefly to the scourge that is hipster frames, here’s a look from the Zero + Maria Cornejo collection.
27. Oh, and these pairs at the Steven Alan presentation. Somehow, they are multicolored.
28. Let’s not forget the fashion show featuring dresses designed solely from materials found in a Subway store.
NEEDS MORE PICKLES, but still a great effort.
29. And at Assembly, silver tinfoil drapes accented the bronze tinfoil separates. Nice visors, also.
30. And here’s a fun photo of models in the show lounging backstage, which could be a capsule collection’s presentation in itself.
31. Should recycling concern you, fear not. All that tinfoil was reused in the wonderful pleated skirts* shown on the Proenza Schouler runway.
*Not actually true.
Also at Proenza: this wonderful shagpile reimagined.
32. Wes Gordon helped perpetuate the bizarre trend that is wearing a jacket sans sleeves.
34. And Marchesa designers Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig brought an unexpected “edge” to their latest Marchesa collection: temporary tattoos!
Flowers and butterflies, but still, Imagine sitting front row at the opera with that.
Aside from the body art (and the occasional pair of visible panties), the collection remained very Marchesa. Refined, after-dinner elegance.
If perhaps a little moody this season.
38. Best leave the dancing to the professionals, though. And look at that: Ballet dancer Cory Stearns performed on the Zang Toi runway.
40. And the show’s front row — jam-packed with Real Housewives, as front rows should be — was also dramatic.
Alongside the housewife triptych, BEAUTY QUEENS!
41. Also present, Calvin Klein’s former paramour Nick Gruber. You can tell his quest for “reinvention” is a serious one because he wears glasses now.
42. One more Housewife moment: Kim Zolciak’s daughter Brielle walked in the Michael Kuluva show.
43. And one more reality TV moment, because it’s a cultural medium that should always be celebrated now, isn’t it? Kristin Cavallari designed a line inspired by NFL uniforms, because she can.
44. This season’s Libertine collection featured some of the punkiest prints New York’s designers had to offer.
45. Not to mention great knitwear. We could all benefit from owning a sweater patterned with crabs and cocktails.
After all, if you’re not wearing Jeremy Scott’s “I’M A MESS” sweater, insouciant shellfish and overpriced cocktails sum up the #NYFW experience quite well themselves.
And now, it’s off to London.