20. The “This Stall Is Occupied” Look from “Spice Up Your Life”
For a lead single, “Spice Up Your Life” is pretty terrible. (Sorry, but it has to be said.) The video’s not great either — a CGI-heavy sci-fi jumble without the budget to look properly futuristic. At one point, there’s a shot of a billboard featuring Victoria on the toilet.
Verdict: The worst.
19. The “My Real Blouse Has a Ketchup Stain” Look from “Mama”
Verdict: Sabotage, wardrobe assistant-style.
18. The “H&M Mannequin” Look from “Spice Up Your Life”
The sort of romper suit you’ll find on the sale rail at your local fast-fashion chain at the end of every summer. Also, Geri looks like a failed auditionee for RuPaul’s Drag Race.
17. The “Wrinkly Catsuit” Look from “Who Do You Think You Are?”
Posh likes a good catsuit — but this isn’t a good one; of the many skintight looks on this countdown, it’s by far the weakest: cheap-looking and wrinkly in all the wrong places. Also, it’s difficult to think highly of any look appearing on screen at the same time as Baby Spice’s terrible tight curls.
Verdict: Far too sweaty to be a good thing.
16. The “Boobs Couture” Look from “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)”
Now while this is arguably a “stylish” example of Posh’s body-conscious, perma-tanned footballer’s-wife phase, it pales in comparison to her other looks from this video.
Verdict: Lazy and all-too-expected edgy prom glamour from Posh circa ‘07.
15. The “Sexy Technocrat” Look from “Holler”
Posh’s pee-colored visor is the best part of this outfit, and it’s not even technically a part. (It pops out of her special chair so she can create a backing dancer to her liking. He doesn’t look like Becks, which is scandalous in retrospect.) What’s left is a dull pleather corset, some puzzling armbands, and black pants with some dangly, jangly chains attached.
Verdict: Holler at your stylist, Posh. Zing!
14. The “David Bought Me This Fur Coat, What Did Your Boyfriend Buy You?” Look from “Goodbye”
Listen, it’s very hard to discuss the “Goodbye” video at the best of times. I’m too full of feelings: “Where were you when the Spice Girls split?” is my chubby gay-boy generation’s “Where were you when JFK was shot?” One thing I can say without choking up, though, is that there’s only one video in which Posh can get away with wearing an LBD. And it’s not this one.
Verdict: One’s nouveau-riche phase was all wrong.
13. The “Nobody Bought Me This Coat, I’m Not Famous Enough Yet” Look from “2 Become 1”
Clearly a video filmed on a tight budget, “2 Become 1” sees the Spice Girls performing in front of green screens (those NYC landscapes surely came courtesy of the video’s post-production team) and in clothes straight out of a catalog.
Also, being told as a 12-year-old that Baby Spice, of all people, is singing about condoms is something you never forget — and not in a good sense.
Verdict: If you’re on an ice rink and you’re not wearing a leotard with lots of crystals or fringe (preferrably both), you’re doing it wrong.
Also, remember when there was a deer at the end of the “2 Become 1” video? What was that about?
12. The “Burnt Flamenco Dress” Look from “Let Love Lead the Way”
Posh’s “Let Love Lead The Way” look is what appears to be a badly tie-dyed silk gown and a sequin choker. Bonus: Her lipstick matches her dress. So why isn’t this look higher? Something’s just not right.
Verdict: It’s the haircut. Also it’s Mel C’s haircut, which ruins the whole video.
11. The “Wrinkly Catsuit Redux” Look from “Spice Up Your Life”
This high on the ranking for the GIF alone. Look at Posh Spice emote!
Verdict: OK, it’s a really awful look from a really awful video, but Posh appears positively unhinged, and that’s always funny.
10. The “Zip Me Up, Tie Me Down” Look from “Holler”
The wonderful thing about Posh is that she rarely kept it classy, and yet still kept it posh. Here she is braless in a zip-up jumpsuit, and if you watch this scene of the video closely enough you can see her nipples.
Verdict: No shade girl, but, those shades.
9. The “Baby Posh” Look from “Mama”
Because you can’t leave this look out, you just can’t. Look at that (calculating) smile.
Verdict: Ever the fashionista, that Victoria.
8. The “Fairy Puppet” Look from “Viva Forever”
You have to appreciate the level of detail evident in these dolls — they even painted in Sporty Spice’s gold tooth. (And you know Posh still felt her doll looked fat.)
Verdict: LIVE FOREVER, FOR THE MOMENT. Ugh this song kills me, every time.
7. The “Choke on My Swarovskis, Geri” Look from “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)”
A beautiful glitz-fest that, uninhibited, would be one of Posh’s finest moments. But, for reasons undetermined, she’s letting Ginger upstage her with a tacky thigh-high slit. Later in the video she even strokes her hair. What gives?
Verdict: Nearly perfect. Which goes to show the caliber of all six looks remaining. Get excited.
6. The “Derivative Pleather Catsuit” from “Too Much”
All there is to say about this is summed up perfectly in the expression of that old man playing a scientist.
Verdict: This look is too much, but somehow still not quite enough.
5. The “Original Pleather Catsuit” Look from “Say You’ll Be There”
There’s a legitimate chance Posh will slice and dice me with one of her shuriken for putting this iconic “Say You’ll Be There” look fifth. It’s fabulous, and that’s that — but four looks are just fabulous-er.
Verdict: Still living for Midnight Miss Suki.
4. The “Good Christian Businesswoman” Look from “Stop”
Raise your hand if you’d forgotten Posh went through this delightful “born-again office-bitch tailoring” phase. Yes? Your hand is raised, right? Good, now wave it around a bit and before you know it you’ll be doing choreography from the “Stop” chorus.
Verdict: Posh in a pantsuit. A BUSTY PANTSUIT. This cannot be denied.
Bonus: Posh Hula-Hooping.
3. The “Sexpot Lingerie” Look from “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)”
Just be thankful that poor science guy from the “Too Much” video didn’t have to see Posh in this getup, because if so, his laboratory wouldn’t be the only thing exploding. This makes husband David’s underwear adverts look positively demure.
Verdict: The hottest scene of any Spice Girls video, without question.
2. The “Gladiator Bikini” Look from “Who Do You Think You Are?”
“I said who-o-o do you think you are, do you think you are?”
“I said what-at-at do you think you’re wearing, do you think you are [wearing]?”
Verdict: So-bad-it’s-good brilliant.
1. The “I’m Posh, Eat It” Look from “Wannabe”
The dress that launched the Posh Spice legend.
Verdict: Well, legendary.