1. Some context: Once Upon A Time opens in Deauville, France in 1913 with some bitchy delivery girls trash talking Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel’s new shop.
2. There they go again.
So rude, honestly.
3. Coco and her cousin are left waiting in their nice-looking but empty boutique for some new clients.
4. Only the right kind of clients, though, right? When a plus-size lady dares to walks past their window they can’t help but burst out laughing.
That’s fashion, right? Giggly fat shaming folks who aren’t sample size even when they’re just minding their own business in turn-of-century France HA HA HA wait, no, please stop doing that fashion it’s not very nice.
5. Anyway there are soon some gratuitous hot guys to cleanse your visual palette.
Here’s one, male model Jake Davies playing Coco’s lover Boy Capel. (Plus, oh look, the briefest hint of Lagerfeld fave Baptiste Giabiconi.)
6. And another one, this time with biceps. The biceps are allowed because this character is a boxer.
In real-life, this is Sebastien Jondeau, Karl Lagerfeld’s strapping bodyguard. (Also, more Baptiste — breaking character a little because the pair are such good friends off screen.)
7. It’s all downhill from the biceps, really. The film descends into a series of cameos from many of Karl’s favorite models and muses.
Here’s Lindsey Wixson being haughty.
8. Still haughty.
9. Incidentally, Lindsey’s last name is misspelled in the film’s closing credits.
She’s also listed as playing the exotically-named “Miss Wonderbilt.” That’s presumably a cute French typo in place of the actually-named “Miss Vanderbilt.
10. Saskia de Brauw’s cameo, as British poet Vita Sackville-West, is also typo-laden in the credits.
(Lady Sackville-West’s last name features only two letter ‘e’s, unfortunately.)
11. Moving on. Here’s Caroline de Maigret, scandalizing the frumpy local folk just because.
12. British lady Stella Tennant takes on a challenging role as a British Lady.
13. Not sure what Tallulah Harlech is meant to be doing, but she looks great.
She and Coco are talking about short hairstyles, natch.
14. And here’s Jamie Bochert walking some dogs. This is as profound as it gets.
Here she’s playing wealthy Italian eccentric Luisa Casati. She pops up again later in a different role — someone random wearing one of those sweatbands for your forehead (see it in the gif below).
15. Because this is how the film ends.