29 Signs You’re Obsessed With The English Premier League

The best football league in the world? The best football league in the world.

1. You’ve bookmarked several options for dodgy live streams.

ID: 1730892

2. All other plans are suspended on match day.

Getty/Michael Regan/Staff

If your friends were really your friends, they wouldn’t even ask to do anything else.

ID: 1730988

3. You’re disappointed when people around you don’t know every song for every player.

ID: 1731276

4. If you don’t live in England, you’re more than willing to wake up at ridiculous hours to watch a match.

7am at a bar? No problem.

ID: 1731163

5. You will buy pretty much any piece of merch related to your club.

ID: 1732004

6. It never ends, really.

[Carlton Cole joke]

ID: 1734209

7. You spend way too long coming up with your fantasy team name.

ID: 1732304

8. You spend countless hours watching YouTube compilations of potential transfer targets and youth team phenoms.

ID: 1733643

9. A key player on your club forcing a move away feels as deep a betrayal as a real friend stabbing you in the back.

*cue Gooner tears*

ID: 1732201

10. You’ll even watch half-speed, meaningless preseason friendlies.

ID: 1732435

11. You either have or have strongly considered getting a club-related tattoo.

ID: 1732465

12. One podcast is not enough.


And that’s not even counting the CLUB podcasts.

ID: 1732593

13. If you’re gonna watch a replay of a match later, you go on a full media blackout.

ID: 1733730

14. You get irrationally upset about “international breaks” because they take time away from the important games.

Getty/Alex Livesey/Staff

And if anyone from your team is involved, all you’re thinking is “please don’t get injured, please don’t get injured.”

ID: 1733845

15. You think you might actually know who the Secret Footballer is.

ID: 1732672

16. Years of watching games (and playing Football Manager) have convinced you that you could run a club better than 90% of Premier League managers.

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Everyone on Twitter also knows you think this.

ID: 1739468

17. You love to hate and hate to love Match of the Day.

*thinks about Alan Shearer’s punditry* *sighs*

ID: 1732748

18. Martin Tyler gives you goosebumps.

ID: 1738607

19. You say you hate the transfer window, but you still refresh rumor mill blogs and websites obsessively.

ID: 1733816

20. Even if they don’t play for your club, you’re upset to see marquee players leave England ‘cause you’ll get to watch them so much less.

Paul Hanna / Reuters
ID: 1737092

21. You kinda hate summer because summer means NO GAMES.

ID: 1739694

22. Your club loyalties can even affect mealtime decisions.

ID: 1731340

23. One way or another, you have a very strong opinion about these two men.

Scott Heavey/Staff

Jamie McDonald/Staff

ID: 1733903

24. No matter how old you are, you have no shame about wearing full kit.

Getty/Shaun Botterill/Staff
ID: 1733938

25. And you have to get the updated kit each season. Even if it looks like this.

ID: 1738285

26. You try (but not always successfully) to get a handle on advanced tactics.

It’s okay, there’s only one Jonathan Wilson. Or maybe not.

ID: 1734225

27. Diving makes you angrier than phone hacking and government wiretapping combined.

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28. And it has for years.

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29. You know that no matter what else is happening in your life, there will always be the next game to look forward to, and that it will be great.

Getty/Oleg Nikishin/Stringer
ID: 1739539

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