9 Things To Remember About Last Year's Budget

Last year's budget was such a disaster, it's still in the senate, stinking up the place. Here are some tips for the government on how to start afresh.

1. Don't be a stereotype of a corporate cigar-chomping fat cat.

Darryl Mason @DarrylMason

Joe Hockey: The Age of Entitlement Is Over....as soon as we finish these cigars #Budget2014

01:24 AM - 10 May 2014

This year, try to avoid this look by not sitting on a balcony with your finance minister, puffing on cigars. In this delicate pre-budget time, steer clear of other so-called rich person activities. That means no diving in pools of money, or making snow angels out of cocaine. Even if it's in the privacy of your own yacht.

2. Don't deliver a budget full of tough cuts for regular Australians and then get caught out dancing in your office to the song "The Best Day Of My Life".

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This one sounds very specific, doesn't it? Why would you have to tell someone that? You ask.

But if it's happened before, it can happen again. Symbolism matters.

3. Don't make a list of promises and then break them all in your budget.

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Tony Abbott's pre-election refrain of “No cuts to education, no cuts to health, no change to pensions, no change to the GST and no cuts to the ABC or SBS" is actually now a handy way to remember all the things that have been cut.

4. Don't declare "the age of entitlement is over" right after spending $50,000 on a dinner.

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In the days after the budget, it was revealed Joe Hockey wined and dined G20 financial leaders in Washington as a cost of $50,000 to taxpayers.

Celebrity chef Shane Delia was flown to Washington to cook a feast that included barramundi, Wagyu beef, truffles and a “eucalyptus ice” dressed with Tasman­ian leatherwood honey.

Let the poor eat cake, because the rich are eating eucalyptus ice anyway.

5. Don't make sweeping statements about the poor, especially if you're incredibly wealthy.

The Roast @TheRoastTV

Joe Hockey knows what's what when it comes to the poor and driving! #roasttv #auspol

09:47 PM - 13 Aug 2014

"The poorest people either don't have cars or actually don't drive very far in many cases," said the treasurer defending the budget's fuel excise.

Married to a millionaire and with a property portfolio worth over $10 million, this was not a good look for Joe Hockey.

6. Don't call crossbench senators "feral" if you need them to pass your budget.

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Independent senator Glenn Lazarus demanded an apology from the prime minister after he told the Coalition party room that the government was dealing with a "feral" Senate.

With measures from last year's budget still tied up in the senate, the comment certainly didn't help.

7. Don't spend money on your weird pet projects.

Ayakovlev / Getty Images

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$1 million for a boarding school for ballerinas? $243 million for an unpopular school chaplains program? It was hard to get people to defend these splurges during a so-called fiscal emergency.

8. Don't have an unfair budget.

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Australians are all about fairness. It's kind of our thing.

So it's probably not the best idea to cut indigenous services, make young people wait six months for the dole, slash family payments and make people pay $7 to see the doctor; if you're also going to buy whoppingly expensive fighter jets, ignore superannuation tax breaks and hand out company tax cuts.

Sure you have to make savings. Just like, don't be a dick about it.

9. And if an elderly sex worker called Gloria calls up a radio station to talk to you about how your budget is making it hard to make ends meet?

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WHATEVER YOU DO...

DON'T. WINK.