2. 2. …nor does this view
The view from Kerry Park is so good I want to marry it. Or get married there.
3. 3. The rain doesn’t bother you
We have this thing called “being inside” if it bothers you so much
4. 4. But your hatred of golf umbrellas is an endless void of rage
This photo is from another city because the last guy who walked around Seattle with a golf umbrella was fed to the orcas.
5. 5. Some days you just want fresh flowers, fish, vegetables, mini doughnuts and wind-up toys and you want it all from the same place
Maybe you want a piroshki, too
6. 6. You don’t want coffee, you NEED coffee
I hate to brag but Seattle is kind of a coffee town
7. 7. Your face when out-of-towners complain about parking
I bet your town would still have cool stuff for you to visit and hang out at if you hadn’t torn it down to build all those parking lots you love so much
8. 8. Besides, it’s fun to bike here. You know you love it. Even Mayor Mike McGinn does it
…though he’s probably got a better bike than you’ve got. Frowntown.
9. …as do our City Councilmembers
I mean, if the Mayor does it, right?
10. 9. If you jog everywhere instead you’ve learned to hate urban assault strollers
“Jogging at Green Lake? Will the strollers part and let us through?”
11. 10. You don’t care anymore, you just want someone to tear this thing down
Build your dang tunnel if you must but don’t act like everyone wanted anything more than getting rid of the viaduct
12. 11. You forecast the weather by volcano
Legends tell of a man who once saw Mt. Rainier in February
13. 12. You set your watch to minor protests
“Oh, is it May Day already? Better tie down the trash cans!”
14. 13. Or by the start of complaints about the Blue Angels
3 months before August, like clockwork
15. 14. Casual conversation is usually a little blue in comparison to other cities
Even our bosses are GGG when it comes to conversation
16. 15. Your friends all have a great collection of vases
Well, I mean, you put water and plants in them, so…
17. 16. You take time to enjoy some of our unique architecture after appreciating your friends’ vases
It’s a smashed guitar according to Gehry. Yeah, I don’t know either.
18. 17. And when it comes to fantastic buildings and our fantastic views you know what’s up
You might even flash your Husky Card when you pay your admission to this observation deck
19. 18. Even if you’ve got Microsoft money you’re still kind of a fan of the bus
They’ll get you there. Unless it’s snowing in which case lolnope
20. 19. You might even love trains as much as you love buses if they’d hurry up and build some tracks
Coming soon. Ish. Sorta. Maybe.
21. 20. You know Seattle is so nice that Sir Mix-A-Lot and his posse are from here
“My posse’s on Yesler” just doesn’t pull people in, I imagine
22. 21. And you’ll always cherish your first Skerritt sighting
…probably at the Market or something
23. 22. Our food establishments are so good you still have heartburn from your first visit to Beth’s
“I’m so drunk I’ll eat the whole thing!”
24. 23. We’re such a welcoming town for people of all races, religions and sexual orientations
25. 24. And sizes, too! We’ve got not one but THREE bear bars
I think it’s the flannel that draws them to Seattle
26. 25. Of course, the bears can’t top the Wildrose’s annual pride party
27. 26. We’re known for being a pretty awesome loving town
Also: party town.
28. 27. It’s easy to see why people fall in love here