1.This text is not about removing a duck from the premises.
2.This text is not about someone avoiding a punch and making a joke.
3.This text is not about accusing someone of being The Duck, a notorious serial killer.
4.This text is not talking about the sender's policy on gifting waterfowl.
5.This text is not about an exasperated person deciding to just go with the duck because Christ, she's so tired of making all the decisions around here, Harold.
6.This text is not about the time someone missed being hit by a baseball by no skill of their own.
7.This text is not about wondering where your duck went.
8.This text is not praising a carnivorous bird-feast.
9.This text is not about sending mixed messages re: whether a duck is "on" or "off."
10.This text is not about a person making good on his dream to one day go "full duck."
11.This text is not about the time the wedding ended up vaguely duck-themed and no one is quite sure why.
12.This text is not about which train the duck is getting on to get home.
13.This text is not about the Vatican's unconventional decision to canonize a bird as a saint.
14.This text is not about a duck who needs to learn that there are other people who live in this building and some of them need to sleep.
15.And this text is about EXACTLY what you think it's about.
