1. Well-read people are the best sort of people.
2. In real life, it’s almost impossible to tell the heroes apart from the villains.
3. Adults don't know what's going on either.
4. If you encounter a lot of people who all have the same tattoo, it’s safe to assume something’s up.
5. Never underestimate the ingenuity of someone who is in BIG trouble.
6. Actors lie. For a living.
7. Always get your news from more than one source.
8. Don't judge something by its name, it might be the nicest snake you'll ever meet.
9. Not even Count Olaf died alone and unloved, so you're probably going to be OK.
10. If you don't know what an acronym means, just ask. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
11. Cling to love where you find it, before your love betrays you to your enemy.
12. Horseradish solves more problems than you think.
13. Pinstripes will inevitably cycle back into fashion. Just wait.
14. "Family" means a lot more than who you're born with: it's also who you plot with.
15. It takes a while to develop a talent, so don't give up if you think all you're good for is biting stuff.
16. Everything is flammable if you try hard enough.
17. And finally: Fuck. Carmelita. Spats.
