Listen, nerds. If you've seen The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and you think that elves are the sexiest residents of Middle Earth, you're fucking wrong.
Yes, OK. Elves have long, shiny hair and carry themselves with the wisdom only thousands of years of introspection and study can bring. Big whoop.
They are also notoriously snobby, emotionally unavailable, and have been known to monologue extensively while glowing from within.
All in all I’d rate the sex appeal of your average Tolkenian elf somewhere between sitting pantsless on an iceberg and chipping a molar.
You want to know who's really bringing sexy back to Middle Earth? Hobbits.
Hobbits are chill AF. They want nothing more than to wake up late, cook you breakfast, and snuggle right back in bed with you until noon.
They've got fabulous curly hair that looks fun to play with. Elves won't let you touch their hair.
They love to go to parties, but are also super down to stay in and smoke a little pipe-weed if that's what you want.
They're attractive without trying too hard, you know?
As far as sex appeal goes, Hobbits are all about making sure you are comfortable and taken care of. They don’t care if you have stretch marks. They love you at any size.
Hobbit sex = fun, all-day marathon with snack breaks, weed, and naps thrown in as needed.
In conclusion, Hobbits are the tiny, sex-positive boyfriend you never had and Elves are jerks.
