The Definitive Ranking Of Kingdom Hearts’ Organization XIII By Sexiness

They may be heartless, but they have so much more going for them.

All members are rated on a scale of 1—10, with half of the score determined by how badass they are and the other half determined by their prettiness.

13. Xigbar

Square Enix/youtube.com

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

 

Overall Score: 3

What’s going on with this guy? He’s got an eye patch AND a scar AND a mallrat accent. That’s a lot to take in, and he’s a pushover boss to boot. Next.

12. Roxas

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

Square Enix/ youtube.com

 

Overall Score: 4

Just look at those pinchable cheeks! Precious little Roxas is a great character but a lackluster villain when compared to the rest of the Organization. It’s hard to take him seriously when he still has that charming, baby-faced essence of the golden-hearted Sora.

11. Lexaeus

Square Enix/ youtube.com

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

 

Overall Score: 5

He gets a high badass rating because he was once two seconds away from finishing off Riku, but his totally ’90s crunchy spike hair and weird tuba sword keep his overall score down in the bottom three.

10. Vexen

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

Square Enix/ youtube.com

 

Overall Score: 5.5

There’s something really unsettling about Vexen’s lime green eyes and boxy cheekbones, and his wimpy boss display and lack of intimidation tactics make him an altogether forgettable member of the otherwise delightfully spooky Organization.

9. Xaldin

Square Enix/ youtube.com

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

 

Overall Score: 6

The overgrown mutton chops nuke his prettiness rating, but Xaldin was a relatively hard boss to beat! Sure, he let himself get elbowed in the solar plexus by a Disney Princess but once he came out with his Whirlwind Lances you knew he meant business.

8. Demyx

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

Square Enix/ youtube.com

 

Overall Score: 7

Dance, Water, Dance! Demyx’s Kingdom Hearts II boss battle had a minigame that made him almost impossible to beat, but his wimpy persona was the opposite of hardcore. He does however get props for having that shaved-on-the-side, long-on-the-top haircut way before the hipsters even thought to ask their barbers for that signature fade.

7. Luxord

Square Enix/ youtube.com

Tetsuya Nomura/ khwiki.com

 

Overall Score: 7.25

Luxord gets pretty points for accessorizing and guyliner, as well as being the only member of Organization XIII to understand the power of a well-trimmed beard. His dancing cards were a rough battle to get through, and his “gambling man” attitude made him one of the suaver denizens of the World That Never Was.

6. Xemnas

 

Overall Score: 7.5

Xemnas is the baddie’s baddie —the monster underneath every other villain’s bed. He gets half a point docked for his vaguely whiny endgame speech in KH II. Also, while his hair isn’t completely on point it’s clear that he took some styling tips from Sephiroth. Good call.

5. Saïx

Tetsuya Nemura/khwiki.com

 

Overall Score: 8

Look at that hair flip. Saïx has got it going on and he knows it. Aside from being one of the more threatening villains, he does everything with undeniable style. Even his Nobodies, the Beserker type, are some of the best designed and most difficult minibosses in the game.

4. Larxene

Tetsuya Nemura/ khwiki.com

Square Enix/ youtube.com

 

Overall Score: 8.25

Larxene is a heinous, scheming villainess and it’s impossible not to admire her for it. She jabs for the jugular with emotional insults and sadistically points out people’s flaws while keeping her slicked-back runway look on point at all times. They don’t call her the “Callous Vixen” for nothing.

3. Marluxia

 

Overall Score: 8.25 (tied with Larxene)

It’s not just the pink hair. It’s the grace, it’s the charm, it’s the devastating way he eviscerates your defenses while coming after your blood and emerging completely unscathed. Marluxia probably smells like a garden: a garden full of noxious, beautiful plants.

2. Zexion

Tetsuya Nemura/khwiki.com

Square Enix/ youtube.com

 

Overall Score: 8.5

Zexion is the Nobody equivalent of a cute librarian who looks good and hates your guts…but the important information here is that he looks really, really good. His logical focus on research and stone-cold exterior make him a formidable foe, and if you weren’t sold on Sexy Zexy by now; remember that his weapon of choice is a big-ass book. Gotta love a boy who reads.

1. Axel

 

Overall Score: A perfect 10!

Axel is hands down the coolest AND prettiest Nobody in Organization XIII. He’s got those bad-boy teardrop tattoos, the spiky red hairdo, and an attitude that’s best likened to sexy gravel—sexy gravel that’s on fire and is also trying to get in your pants. In a good way. Even though he softens up as the series progresses, his tender moments with best buddy Roxas only highlight how much of a badass he is the rest of the time.

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