1. When your parents make friends with another set of parents and insist you spend the first night going out to dinner with them.
You will never talk to their child again.
2. When you lose your shit doing introductions and accidentally pronounce your own name wrong.
3. When your new roommate immediately declares war over furniture placement in your tiny double.
4. When seven different people on your floor unpack their guitars and start playing with their doors open.
Anyway here’s “Wonderwall,”…and “Good Riddance,” and “Smoke on the Water,” and “Seven Nation Army.”
5. When you mistake your RA for another freshman and say something extremely incriminating.
6. When you lock eyes with everyone in your orientation group and realize at the same moment that none of you will hang out ever again.
7. Or when you can’t think of an interesting fact and end up revealing something really private about yourself during the icebreakers.
‘Haha yeah I totally killed a dude. I mean what?”
8. When you develop a forbidden crush on your orientation group leader…
11. Basically Orientation Week exists for you to get all of your weird “OMG NEW PEOPLE” crushes out of the way. Chalk it up to nerves.
12. When you have a hyper-competitive person on your scavenger hunt team and everyone associates their crazy with you.
13. When someone you just met insists on adding you on Facebook RIGHT NOW.
“There I sent the request. Did you get it? Accept it. Accept ME.”
14. When you realize you’ve forgotten the name of the person you’re talking to…for the hundredth time that day.
15. When you go to the dining hall for the first time and feel like you’re in a new and hostile land.
Where do I swipe? Where do I sit? What is food?
16. When you fake a little bit of your backstory to sound more interesting but the story gets around so now you’re stuck with it.
On your wedding day you’re going to be like “sweetie I have something to tell you…I can’t really juggle.”
17. When you honestly feel so attacked by the overzealous students at the activities fair so you sign up for 800 clubs, most of which you have no interest in.
You will get emails from the Robo-Gardening Club for the rest of your life.
18. When you meet that person who insists on talking about their AP tests of their SAT score and there is nothing you can do to escape the conversation.
19. When night falls and all of a sudden everyone panics because they don’t know what to do with their freedom.
Are we going to a frat? Are we just hanging out? Are we playing Super Smash Bros.? This decision will affect your whole life.
20. When that freedom gets to your head and you hook up with someone who seemed like a good idea at the time…but wasn’t.
21. When you find out which person on your floor is in the “never had a beer before in my life” club.
Bonus awkward points if that person is you!
22. When the folks in charge encourage you to sing the fight song/alma mater en masse and like, you want to but you’re afraid it will make you look dumb.
And when you do sing it, you don’t know the words so you end up looking dumb anyway.