1. “You look so comfy today!”
So you think I look dumpy and sloppy. Thanks! I hope you trip on your stilettos and have an awful day!
2. “Are you feeling okay?”
Despite the fact that you obviously think I look as though I’ve been run over by a semi-truck, at least I’m healthy on the inside. And I hate you.
3. “Without makeup, you look so… natural!”
Gee, thanks for noticing that I overslept. My uneven skin-tone and gigantic pores are thrilled for the attention!
4. “Ooooh, someone got some sun last weekend!”
I don’t even know what you’re trying to say. Orange? Trashy? Jealous? Regardless, it’s annoying.
5. “Seems like someone could use a little extra sleep!”
FINE! I’LL PUT ON EYELINER AND BLUSH. It’s not my fault that I’m pale and unhappy and potentially hungover.
6. “Cool outfit—I think my mom has something like it!”
Your mom better be effing amazing or I will haunt your closet and shred your sweaters.
7. “Did you change your hair? It looks… different.”
Ugh. Just leave me alone.
8. “You look SO thin!”
No, I do not have an eating disorder. And I cannot win. And go screw yourself.