This Is Why Chips And Gravy Is The Greatest Drunk Food That Exists

And that's before we even mention cheese.

It's 3am. You're drunk. You've just stumbled out the club, alone again, and the only thing on your mind is stuffing your face with disgusting amounts of takeaway food.

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^ you IRL.

And then you get served this.

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😥

Or spend the £8 you'd saved for your taxi fare on this.

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Look at it. Look how sad it looks. It's like the pizza is telling you that you've made a bad life choice.

But it doesn't have to be this way – because there is one food that will never let you down. It is there for you in your darkest hour to warm your bones and heal your soul.

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Chips and gravy. It's a match made in heaven – because what better way is there to eat chips than to smother them with delicious, salty meat juice?

We already know that gravy is the food of the gods. Why would you choose any other sauce when you can have one that tastes of beef?

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Yorkshire Puddings, one of Britain's favourite foods, and probably it's most important invention, were basically only created as a vehicle for gravy.

Sadly, Yorkshire Puddings aren't really a thing at 24-hour takeaway shops, and eating one drunk with your hands would be a massive fucking disaster anyway.

Which is why this is the undisputed drunk food of kings.

Flickr: 9557815@N05 / Creative Commons

The North knows this already, because the North is smart. According to this YouGov survey (yes, YouGov really did a survey about chips), around a fifth of northerners like to smother their chips with gravy, compared with just 4% of Londoners.

Rest of the UK (and actually, the world), you need to get your act together, because you're missing out on some truly sensational shit.

But wait – we haven't even mentioned cheese yet.

Flickr: sheilaellen / Creative Commons

Look at this and tell me you don't want to eat the fuck out of it. Just think about that hot, juicy gravy being poured over the chips and melting the cheese onto them.

Think about lowering your hand towards that styrofoam plate, taking hold of a cluster of golden chips between your fingers and watching as a string of cheese and gravy stretches all the way from the plate to your mouth, before snapping and getting stuck tantalisingly across your chin.

Think about licking that cheese up with your tongue and chewing it slowly with the rest of the mouthful, savouring the delicious, crispy outsides of the chips, the light, fluffy insides, and the meaty lubricant that makes it all so magical.

Now go and take a cold shower. Jesus.

Actually no wait, maybe you should hold off on that shower, because look here's some poutine.

Flickr: conskeptical / Creative Commons

Poutine is Canada's answer to cheesy chips and gravy, and is made using cheese curds. It is the greatest thing ever to happen to this shitty little planet.

If they had this all over the world, then no one would ever get laid after a night out – because if it's a choice between getting poutine and having sex, poutine would win every time.

It's recently arrived in the UK in the form of yet-another-East-London-hipster-food-dicks-with-top-knots-can-charge-a-fortune-for, but where it really belongs is in chippy vans and takeaways everywhere – for the common people to enjoy.

Chips and gravy is so good you would gladly eat it sober – and not feel like you wanted to die afterwards.

Flickr: simthom

It is a glorious, unsung hero of takeaway food, and it deserves its rightful place at the top of the podium.

It's happiness in a bowl, a mate on a plate and a cuddle in a carton.

Choose the northern way. Choose chips and gravy.