1. You are perfectly capable of dragging yourself out of bed in the morning and getting on with your day – without a cup of liquid to help.
2. And you find it hard to imagine what it must be like to rely on coffee like so many other people do.
3. A cup of coffee is in no way a legitimate breakfast.
Breakfast is supposed to be food, and there are so many incredible options it seems criminal to neglect it. Anyone who thinks coffee on its own is an acceptable breakfast needs to go and sit in a bin for a while and think about what they've done.
4. And people who drink it after dinner in the evening make even less sense.
5. Coffee menus mean literally nothing to you.
6. And nor do the fucking ridiculous sizes in Starbucks.
7. Talking of Starbucks, to you it is just a pointless place for buying overpriced food.
8. And you definitely cannot understand the obsession with pumpkin spice lattes.
9. You don't see why people spend so much money on coffee when it could be spent on food instead.
10. Or on alcohol – because if you're paying that much money for a drink then it should 100% be getting you wasted.
11. You've experienced that awkward moment when someone suggests you go for coffee, and you have to explain that it's not your thing.
12. And you've got very used to people acting completely shocked when you tell them you don't drink it.
13. After the initial mind-blowing, they will then inevitably ask: "How do you even function?"
14. "Coffee jitters" are something you will never have to experience.
#50HourSlam suppressing caffeine jitters #you shall edit
Why would you drink something that makes you physically shake?
15. That smell that everyone loves, you probably just think is odd and stale.
16. And it's even worse when it's coming off someone's breath.
17. So whether it's because you can't stand the taste.
18. Or just don't drink it as a lifestyle choice.
