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21 Things Cuban Grandmas Always Say

This would NEVER have happened in Cuba.

Alex Alvarez
by Alex Alvarez

BuzzFeed Staff

1. "Ponte 'violetas,' como niño/a decente."

navarro.com

It's a fact that all Cuban kids smell like violets.

2. "Hand me my sewing kit."

memes.com

You mean your COOKIE TIN OF LIES?

3. "Ponte talco."

4. "Chismoso/a."

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Let me live my truth while telling everyone else's.

Of course, this is swiftly followed by...

5. "Tengo chisme."

TriStar Pictures
TriStar Pictures

Chisme isn't just gossip. It's a way of life.

6. "Vamos a misa."

7. "Did you eat?"

desmotivaciones.es

Hay frijoles. Y arroz. Y platanitos. Y puré de malanga. Y guayaba con queso. Y sanguiches. Y un lechón entero.

8. "Eat more."

Columbia Pictures

But I just ate everything? In the world?

9. "Hi flaca / flaco."

10. "Hi, gordi."

11. "Well, in Cuba..."

blingee.com

Kids never answered back and dogs had wings and the streets were lined with pastelitos. I know.

12. "Better go to sleep or El Cuco will get you. Why aren't you sleeping?"

13. "Put on some real music."

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Abuela, there's only so much Celia and Benny Moré a person can listen to in a day!

14. "Por si acaso..."

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You can never be too careful when it comes to the Evil Eye.

15. "I'm on my way."

16. "Me cago en tu madre."

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Let's just think about this for a second.

17. "Ponte Vapu Ru y ya."

18. "Me lo dijo Walter."

19. "Why go to McDonald's when we have food here?"

20. "Don't go barefoot or your feet will stretch."

Disney

Also acceptable: "Don't go barefoot or you'll catch cold and die."

21. "Sana, sana, colita de rana..."

(Oye, William Levy-in-a-doctor's-outfit. Is this medically sound?)

Levy Adicata

Claro que sí.

(Adding him as a special gift to Cuban abuelas, naturally.)

Cuban Abuelas are the real MVPs.

WPBT2
WPBT2

How'd we ever be safe and fed without them?