161 Thoughts You Have During A Very Hot Yoga Class

Wow, they were not kidding when they said hot. Here’s to learning that the hard way.

1. Shoot, I should have gotten here earlier now I have to be in the front row.
2. I guess I’ll just play it cool like I come here all the time.
3. Do you think everyone can sense that I’m new?
4. Oh, great. Thank you instructor for announcing that I’m new.
5. Yes, yes, lovely to meet you all. Don’t look at me.
6. Ew this mat has a weird texture.
7. Wait, everyone else has a towel, too?
8. Why didn’t I know to bring a towel?
9. And everyone is in lululemon.
10. I look like I got dressed in a dark lost and found box.
11. This is embarrassing.
12. Whatever.

13. It’s not even that hot in here, I can totally do this.
14. We better start on time if this class is 90 minutes.
15. Ooooh this music is calming.
16. Ugh, I have to get up? Isn’t yoga a sitting down thing?
17. Heart’s center? Third eye?
18. What is all of this mumbo jumbo?
19. Oh boy, they’re all ooooooooommmmmmm-ing.
20. I should have brought a friend.
21. Oh, breathing, I can do that.
22. Inhale.
23. Exhale.
24. Inhale.
25. Exhale.
26. This is so easy.
27. Shit, it’s getting hot now.
28. Time to start the stretches? I got this.

29. You want me to do what, now?
30. I can’t do this without bending my knees.
31. Ugh, nobody else has their knees bent.
32. Oh, bending my knees is encouraged to “feel it differently”?
33. Yeah, I support that.
34. Oops, I forgot to focus on my breathing.
35. Multitasking is hard.
36. I can kick my leg out like that.
37. Nope. I can’t.
38. Wait.
39. I’M HOT.
40. How the eff is she doing that with her leg?!
41. I’m going to have to do the newbie adjustments for every move, aren’t I?
42. This is awkward.
43. Why is everyone so limber?
44. I can be limber.

45. No I can’t.
46. Geez, it’s really hot in here.
47. My breathing is becoming labored.
48. I might be having a heart attack.
49. Stop that, focus.
50. Okay, lift my leg into my hip crease.
51. Is ‘hip crease’ a thing?
52. What’s an eagle pose?
53. I just look like a dying frog.
54. Why is the mirror in here so big?
55. I hate looking at myself.
56. Oh, but he’s cute.
57. Haaaaaayyyyy.
58. Wedding ring, crap.
59. Whatever. Haaaaaaayyyyy!
60. Shoot, everyone changed position.
61. Focus!
62. Okay.
63. Wait, kick my leg out while simultaneously reaching for the ceiling?

64. This is both physically and mentally demanding.
65. I’m in not shape for this in either respect.
66. Man, is anyone else hot?
67. I’m shvitzing like a nun at a cucumber farm.
68. Forty-five minutes in, this isn’t so bad.
69. Except I’m choking on the humidity.
70. Okay, floor work, I can do this.
71. You need my knee to go where?
72. I can’t extend my leg that far.
73. Nope, not happening.
74. Oh great, come over and correct me so I look even more like a newb.
75. Yes, thank you lady, please enjoy my fake smile of approval.
76. Ow, this does not feel right at all.
77. This can’t be right.
78. Upon further inspection in the mirror, this seems to be correct.
79. I wish the freakin’ instructor would stop pacing around and just do the moves.
80. Oh, my subliminal messaging worked.
81. Holy moley, stand back up lady, you’re making me feel like an idiot.
82. Damn, she’s good.
83. Omg, she’s touching the ground with like, one hand.
84. Hooooooolyyyy.
85. WHAT ARE YOU?!

86. Okay, only twenty minutes left.
87. This is doable.
88. Wait, I feel like I’m dying.
89. I’m definitely dying.
90. Why doesn’t everyone else look like they got hit by a truck?
91. I feel like I did.
92. Is it just me?
93. Of course it is.
94. Ooooh, downward dog, I know this one.
95. The blood’s rushing to my head!
96. I’m going to faint!
97. Breathe.
98. Inhale.
99. Exhale.
100. Repeat.
101. You got this.
102. Drip.
103. Drip.
104. Drip.
105. Ew, this is gross.
106. Sweat in my eyes!
107. IT BURNS.

108. Thread the needle?
109. What is this, home ec?
110. Okay, that was anything but graceful.
111. How do I get up now?
112. Everyone’s getting up!
113. My mat is too slippery.
114. I’ll do a casual roll out of this.
115. Oops! Sorry, sir!
116. Okay, back in business.
117. Child’s pose?
118. Oh wow, this is what I needed.
119. Can I stay here for the remainder of the class?
120. Left ear on the mat, check. Arms at my side, check.
121. Ah, this is relaxing.
122. Ew, the floor stinks.
123. Ooooh, we turn over onto our backs now?
124. This is amazing.
125. At home I call this ‘napping’.
126. A shoulder stand? I can probably do that.
127. AHHH.
128. Sorry again, sir!
129. Okay, that was embarrassing, good thing the lights are dimmed now.
130. Let’s try that again.
131. This is ridiculous, who can honestly stand on their shoulders?
132. My arms are going to collapse, I can’t hold myself up like this.

133. Alright, back into the straight napping.
134. You don’t have to tell me twice to relax, lady.
135. I feel like the heat is strangling me.
136. The sweat is real.
137. I can’t stop wiping my brow.
138. Just relax.
139. Let my brain melt into the mat? Sounds messy.
140. Ahhhhh, a cool towel.
141. This is really nice.
142. Is that eucalyptus?
143. Mmmm.
144. I could stay here all night.
145. Roll over and use my hands as a pillow?
146. Yes, yes I can do that.
147. Nooooo, I don’t want to get up.
148. Ugh, fine.

149. My damp towel keeps falling off when I sit like this.
150. They’re oooooooommmmmm-ing again!
151. I’ll whisper it.
152. Oh, they’re finished.
153. Wait, we’re done?!
154. I did it?!
155. That wasn’t even that bad!
156. Ew, my shirt’s a different color now.
157. I probably stink.
158. Omg, they’re coming over to me.
159. Don’t come over to me.
160. How do I feel?

161. I feel like a boss. A sweaty, sweaty, boss.

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