1. This is a fat ball. It’s made of raw lard and seeds, and it’s being eaten by a bird. Because birds eat fat balls.
2. Birds, and a man.
And so a great thread begins.
The poster goes on: “Because there was football on the telly I nipped to a mates […] few accidental Vinos and home.
He thought I had left them for snacks.
I don’t know what to do.”
3. “He is 48 years old ffs. Stuff like this isn’t in marriage guidance leaflets.”
4. One forum member suggests: “Buy him some extra bog roll and leave him to it.”
To which the original poster replies: “My next quandary is I want to go to bed now. Do I sleep in matrimonial bed and risk it or spare bed and leave him to whatever occurs? I have meetings in the morning in a professional office with professional people who don’t have fuckwits as dear hearts.”
5. It transpires he thought the fatball was “one of those artisan scotch egg type things.”
For comparison, this is an artisan scotch egg. You’ll notice it doesn’t have string coming out of it, nor is it made of lard and seeds.
6. She basically appears to be in a relationship with a giant toddler.
7. The phrase “Dutch Oven” is mentioned :(
As is the phrase “pebbledash the duvet” :(((((
8. The next update is kind of reassuring.
Well a small victory small child has appeared in the main bed so old peckerhead is in sparebed. The only downside is that I have to sleep on his side of the bed.
Which doesn’t smell right.
No anal leakage so far.
He is snoring. Must be effects of whiskey drunk whilst watching the match.
Let’s hope the alcohol has killed any bacteria.
Lard is rendered pig fat isn’t it. So it must have had some heat processing. I think I am clutching at straws
10. It starts getting weird and someone pays homage to William Carlos Williams.
11. It transpires our man has the constitution of an ox, and the saga ends in heartwarming fashion.
I have got in from work now and thought a picture of the remaining fat balls would just round this off perfectly.
So 3 kids, 2 mine one friends, made the fat balls. All 3 balls were in the fridge.
I went in to retrieve one to take a picture and smallest one comes up behind me.
Oh we have to hang those up for the birds” ”
yes I just need to take a picture”
Well take a photo of mine
That’s not mine …. Where’s mine gone…..
Lower lip quivering…
She knows it’s hers cos different colour string apparently.
She is just about to have a massive hissy fit but stopped in her tracks when I said daddy ate it by mistake.
But it’s for the birds. Mummy why did daddy eat it?
She told the oldest one and they have not stopped laughing
A family legend has begun.
I expect to be outed tomorrow as it will be all round the playground. I know some school mums go on mumsnet as I tell them how hilaire it is.