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Britain Keeps Seeing Penises Everywhere At The Moment, But Why?

We are NOT repressed. UPDATED: Now with Buttermilk Penis.

1. Updated: 27 October, 15:05 p.m. GMT: Here is a new addition: a carton of Buttermilk in Tesco in Ireland.

Posted to Reddit over the weekend whereupon the British press went insane. It is one of many penises to emerge since this post went live and Britain began to lose its mind.

2. Item one: this Milkybar. It has an illustration of a horse’s head on it. Unless your name is Robin Jacobs, 31, of South Woodford in London.

 

This week he is quoted as saying: “It was a little bit surprising, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before, that’s for sure. What on earth is a penis doing on a children’s chocolate bar? There’s no point denying what it looks like. It is obvious – we can all see it. It’s a completely inappropriate picture. The penis in question is even bigger than the child – surely the people making the bar can see what it looks like.”

Nestlé has apologised for any “confusion or embarrassment” this may have caused.

3. Item two: this baby grow from Next.

It has actually been taken off its shelves after customers noticed “penis” designs on them. Or, if you prefer, the neck of a shirt.

Carla Gallivan, a customer from Nottinghamshire, said: “‘I was angry because it’s not the kind of thing you should be dressing a baby in.”

Next said: “This is an innocent mistake that had not been picked up in the approval process. As it was inappropriate we made the decision to withdraw this item from sale as soon as it was bought to our attention earlier this year.”

4. Item 3: this margarine. Although in this case there’s not so much outrage.

Here’s David Weaver of Bristol with the penis shape he found in his margarine. He looks quite happy with it, to be honest.

5. Item 4: this cloud.

BPM Media

Mill Owen, 25, took the picture from the passenger seat of his friend’s car and it had quite a profound effect on him.

“I just couldn’t believe it. My reaction was that it must be God – that couldn’t happen by accident. I’ve seen some strange things before, but this took the biscuit.”

6. Item 5: this guy’s penis. In his trousers.

As seen on Nick and Margaret: Too Many Immigrants?

7. Penises. They’re everywhere you look in this country. Even in our roads. Look at George Road, Edward Road, and Yeoman Cottages in Hoylake, Wirral.

8. Look at Bellenden Gardens in Edinburgh, which is honestly called Bellenden Gardens.

9. What’s happening? Why does everything look like a penis all of a sudden?

Could this be some great moment in the psychosexual development of the British consciousness? Are we, as a nation, suffering some grand collective penis envy? It is perhaps too early to say. Shall we quickly see how our mental state is right now?

10. QUIZ TIME!!

  1. 1. Is this a cashew nut or a penis?
    1. A cashew nut.
    2. A penis.
  2. 2. Is this a dog or a penis?
    1. A dog.
    2. A penis.
  3. 3. OK, is THIS a dog or a penis?
    1. It’s a dog again.
    2. A penis.
  4. 4. Is that someone's arm or a penis?
    1. A penis.
    2. Someone’s arm.
  5. 5. Is this a bicycle saddle or someone's penis?
    1. A penis.
    2. A saddle.
  6. 6. What has this child drawn?
    1. Some scissors.
    2. A penis.

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