3. “You know what kind of adult needs to eat food out of a glass jar? A BABY.”
4. “If you ever actually erase this chalk and write a new thing, I will have a heart attack.”
8. “You boozehounds are aware that I cost more than like three glasses from Ikea combined, right?”
10. “It was never supposed to be like this.”
“I went to Oberlin, goddammit.”
11. “Look on the bright side: we’re probably poisonous.”
“Was ‘bright side’ supposed to be a pun? STFU, Chad.”
13. “I guarantee you I will live longer than this relationship.”
14. “Jesus Christ, it’s rank in here.”
“Maybe time to lay off the jar pizzas?”
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