Being Sick As A Kid Vs. Being Sick As An Adult

“Can someone please Seamless me some soup?”

1. As a kid: You’d wake up with a tickle in your throat, a flush to your face, and the sneaking sensation that YOU MIGHT GET TO SKIP SCHOOL.

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What are a few sneezes and a runny nose compared with that hellish pre-algebra test?

2. As an adult: You wake up feeling like death and it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.

“Glad this is happening on the day I have three meetings, a presentation I’ve been prepping for weeks, and a really promising Tinder date.”

3. As a kid: Someone was there to take care of you.

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“Moooooom, I’m all out of Rocky Road, WHAT IF I DIE.”

4. As an adult: You’re cripplingly lonely.

“Hey, delivery guy, if I gave you 20 bucks, would you hang around and reassure me I’ll feel well again someday?”

5. Or else completely grossing out your roommate/benevolent friend/significant other.

6. As a kid: Your friends understood if you had to reschedule a playdate.

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Like, they had to, since their parents dictated their social schedules.

7. As an adult: Your friends do not understand one bit.

“I mean I get that you have a 104-degree fever but you promised me you’d be my wingman, like, DAYS ago.”

8. As a kid: Going to the doctor sucked, but at least you had someone to drive you and wait with you and also there were lollipops.

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9. As an adult: Going to the doctor is an expensive, difficult, time-consuming pain in the ass.

You mean you don’t love lugging your tired body to a sticky waiting room where you have to sit around for an hour and 15 minutes before some Yelp-approved asshole sticks a large needle in your forearm? Weird.

10. As a kid: You relished the time you got to spend by yourself, an oasis away from the drudgeries of school.

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“Heh heh, those other nerds are probably playing kickball right now. Suckers.”

11. As an adult: You’ll take any comfort or human contact whatsoever.

“COME BACK — IF I WATCH ONE MORE ANTM MARATHON BY MYSELF I’LL BECOME TYRA.”

12. As a kid: Medicine was the grossest thing imaginable.

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Unless it was Flintstones vitamins.

13. As an adult: You’ll take anything that promises to momentarily ease the marching band that’s taken over your head.

14. As a kid: Your deepest sick-day fear was throwing up everywhere.

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15. As an adult: Your deepest sick-day fear is realizing the extent of human frailty and coming face-to-face with your own mortality.

16. As a kid: You were totally melodramatic.

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“THE WORLD IS ENDING.”

17. As an adult: You’re totally melodramatic.

“THE WORLD IS ENDING.”

18. But don’t worry…

…you’ll be better in no time!

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