1.
You're so busy pinning to your fitness board that you haven't been to the gym in four months.
2.
Mason jars haunt your every nightmare.
3.
You know that no matter how you try, you're just not hacking your life enough.
4.
You're never not drunk because each of your desserts comes equipped with its own booze.
5.
No real man will ever be able to satisfy you.
6.
Nor any flesh-and-blood woman.
7.
You don't even know who said what anymore.
8.
The words "thigh gap" send you into a blind rage.
9.
(Although nowhere near as intense as the words "sock bun.")
10.
Your sense of time is completely out of whack.
11.
As are your priorities.
12.
You've spent your entire life savings on completely necessary stuff.
13.
All of a sudden your home feels somehow inadequate.
14.
You know you'll never be as put-together as most toddlers.
15.
Planning an event that doesn't actually exist seems totally normal.
16.
And this no longer strikes you as senseless murder.
17.
Your standards of what constitutes art are slipping.
18.
You know the unique and terrible pain of a Pinterest fail.
19.
The next time you're told to *keep calm*, you're burning this hellhole to the ground.
