17 Shades Of "Fifty Shades Of Grey" Spinoffs

The “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy has sold over 32 million copies worldwide, so it was only a matter of time before the concept spread to other published works like a nasty virus. But “Fifty Shades of Kale”? Really?

1.

Pre-order this cookbook on Amazon for the totally reasonable price of $13.19. From the description: “Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.”

2. If you’re a vegetarian, in which case this may be more your speed:

According to the Amazon description: “Get ready to trim your waistline, boost your sex drive, and banish your brain fog — it’s your turn to become intimate with kale.” Um, WHAT?

3. For the non-Kosher:

This contains fifty bacon recipes, which is probably forty-nine more bacon recipes than you’d probably ever need in one place, ranging from bacon ice cream to bacon-wrapped shrimp. Available at Barnes & Noble

4. And to get you in the Thanksgiving spirit:

Download this erotic parody about a student (named “Vanessa Biscuits”) who falls for her cooking class instructor from Amazon.

5. But they’re not all food-related! Some parodies are literary:

“With a mix of old fashioned Victorian debauchery and erotic 21st-century lust this cleverly sexed-up classic will leave you wanting more!” On sale at Barnes & Noble in the “Oh-my-God-why-didn’t-I-think-of-this-first” department.

6.

From a suspiciously glowing Amazon review: “Set in the quaint and genteel world of Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, ‘Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy’ turns the cultural mores of Victorian England on its head, delivering a scandalous thrashing to its buttocks in the process.”

7.

OW my childhood. Mashes up erotica with passages from “Little Women,” “Little Men,” and Alcott’s other works; reviewers seem disappointed with the sex scenes. From Amazon.

8. Some are political:

According to the author: “From Gitmo to working with hand-in-hand with Republican leadership, you’ll read through glowing, intelligent, and expertly spelled prose about the failings of this President and question if he should have even been given the job in the first place.” Available as an eBook from Amazon.

9.

Again, from the perennially-dissatisfied author, this book “dares to take stabs at everything from Romney’s religious views to his forgetting that he owns guns. In the end, you’ll question why the Republican Party chose Romney as their candidate and even more so, why he is even a Republican.” Also an Amazon eBook.

10. Useful (and extremely unsexy):

Buy this NookBook, which teaches you how to trade on the foreign exchange market (stay awake!), from Barnes & Noble

11. Even more useful:

It’s just a blank book containing 200 grey pages. From Amazon.

12. DIY guide:

Positions include “Closing the Suitcase,” “Is That Your Leg or Mine?” and “Arc de Triomphe.” From Amazon.

13. It’s so obvious, it hurts:

This one’s an erotic thriller-mystery with “hot male on male and female on female action.” From Amazon.

14. For tea drinkers:

From the description: “Young, arrogant tycoon Earl Grey seduces the naïve coed Anna Steal with his overpowering good looks and staggering amounts of money, but will she be able to get past his fifty shames, including shopping at Walmart on Saturdays, bondage with handcuffs, and his love of BDSM (Bards, Dragons, Sorcery, and Magick)?” Please take note of the author’s name. Available at Barnes & Noble.

15. For fans of “Downton Abbey”:

According to the synopsis, this book leaves “no whip unused, no heaving bosom untouched, no maidenhood unravished.” UK edition available from Waterstones.

16. And one for Canadians:

“Do you enjoy clumsiness, spanking, excessive apologizing, and cheap beer? Especially cheap beer? Then this is the parody book for you.” From the Amazon description.

17. This one hedged its bets and combined every recent literary fad:

Clocking in at only 38 pages, it’s amazing the authors could fit in so much material. Available as an Amazon eBook for $.99, which is a small price to pay considering you’ll never need to buy another best-seller again.

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