1. Invest in a really solid sequined jumpsuit.
The European Elvis Championships take place over three days in Birmingham, England. The winner will move on to the International Elvis Tribute Artist Contest in Memphis, TN. It’s not held until August, so they’ll have plenty of time to bone up on their hip gyrations and sneers. According to a Guardian article on the event, “Impersonating Elvis is a complicated business. It’s not like being a Kate Middleton lookalike.”
2. A bedazzled cape is a pre-requisite.
Bonus points for this guy, who exhibits some pro DIY crafting skills.
3. Perfect your lip sneer.
John Paul Mellings, age six, can snarl on command. Not sure if Elvis ever wore sparkly Converse sneakers, however.
4. And your hand gestures.
There’s an actual art to finger-pointing.
Elvin Priestly (there is no universe in which that is his real name) is either practicing backstage, or doing some last-minute tai chi moves.
5. Don’t forget the oversized sunglasses.
If you’re going for Slightly Bloated ’70s Elvis.
6. And a tiny sliver of hairy chest.
Just enough to entice the dining hall.
7. Stay cool.
Which is incredibly hard to pull off in a puffy pirate shirt.
Elias Boswell, age 12, nails Elvis’ classic bad-boy slouch. His parents, according to the Guardian piece, “look glad and proud, and as they’re only 37 and 35, they probably got into this to please their parents.”
8. But keep your performances heartfelt.
FYI, “His Latest Flame” sounds even better when sung with a British accent.
9. Impress the judges with an absurdly wide stance.
Show them just how many squat thrusts you did to prepare for this cutthroat competition.
10. Remember that even if you lose, you still get to leave with the greatest gift of all:
A plaster bobblehead of The King.
The winner will be announced January 6th.