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Without further adieu, I bring you... The Dozen Drama Rules (or How to be a Drama Queen): 1. Be vague, leave important things unsaid, and if provided with the opportunity to speak your mind, don't. 2. Assume that others are inconsiderate at best and are more often than not trying to hurt you. 3. Don't waste any effort trying to resolve ambiguity because every character has an agenda, an ulterior movie, something nefarious to gain by using you. 4. Never assume that the offending party could have a good reason for what s/he does otherwise you would not find him offending. 5. Pouting, withdrawing, and giving looks intended to kill are most definitely preferable to good humor and good graces. 6. If someone tries to talk with you about tension between the two of you, at best pretend there is no tension or say something pithy or bitchy, but by all means, forget expressing your real concerns, give the person a cold shoulder for her efforts, stew, or better yet, storm off in a huff. 7. If you decide to speak with someone to ease tension between you, be prepared to quickly abandon your efforts because you know going in that the other person really is to blame for the tension between you. Always, always remember this if you forget all the other rules: Someone else is to blame. 8. Lie, particularly if it benefits you; by all means, cover up, as honesty is for wimps. 9. Cut your nose off to spite your face... this works every time. 10. Hold grudges no matter how silly--even if you know the grudge was born of misunderstanding--, and by all means, do not see the humor in life. (Everyone is laughing at you instead of with you anyhow.) 11. Be assured that the world revolves around you.

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