pre-2006: The Ringervs. Le Divorce
Katherine Heigl plays Johnny Knoxville’s love-interest in a movie about a dude who fixes the Special Olympics in order to pay off his debts. Kate Hudson plays the flighty younger sister/stock American au pair in a movie about hateful Frenchies and expensive art. Winner/Loser: Katherine Heigl (Le Divorce was awful but at least had Naomi Watts and a veneer of French classiness. Katherine Heigl wasn’t even on the poster of the “special” movie.)
2006: Caffeine vs. You, Me, and Dupree
Katherine Heigl plays somebody’s ex-girlfriend in a movie about the “quirky Black Cat Cafe in London.” Kate Hudson plays second-fiddle to Owen Wilson and Matt Dillon’s bromance. Winner/Loser: Katherine Heigl. I haven’t seen this movie, but I’m assuming she had to do an English accent. The thought is pretty horrifying.
2007: Knocked Up vs. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
Ok, so How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days came out in 2003, but Kate Hudson didn’t release a movie in 2007, so it seemed like a good opportunity for these two to face off with their “best” movies. (Almost Famous is a different genre, so it’s DQed.) Katherine Heigl holds her own against a bunch of Apatovian stoners, while Kate Hudson is charmingly psycho. Winner/Loser: Kate Hudson: Only because she played such a stock character. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days is actually more enjoyable when you’re flipping around hungover at 3pm on a Sunday (says the lady, for whom all RomComs are made).
2008: 27 Dresses vs. Fool’s Gold
Here we go. Katherine Heigl plays the forever bridesmaid. Kate Hudson is back with McConaughey, this time as one half of a married couple who fall back in love while searching for lost treasure. Winner/Loser: Kate Hudson: This was maybe the toughest call, because 27 Dresses is a terrible movie, but the target audience embraced it more. I am totally willing to be corrected on that, please weigh in.
2009: The Ugly Truth vs. Bride Wars
Katherine Heigl [doesn’t matter]. Kate Hudson is a bride. Winner/Loser: Kate Hudson.
Upcoming: Life As We Know It vs. A Little Bit Of Heaven
Katherine Heigl plays an uptight single woman who has to co-parent an orphan with a hot-ish guy. Kate Hudson corrupts a super hot Mexican actor. Winner/Loser: Katherine Heigl: because she couldn’t get Gael Garcia Bernal to costar.
Tiebreaker: Killers vs. My Best Friend’s Girl
Katherine Heigl impulsively marries Ashton Kutcher, who turns out to be a former assassin (hi-jinks ensue). Kate Hudson dates Dane Cook and Jason Biggs. Winner/Loser: Katherine Heigl It is really hard to side with anything involving Dane Cook, but Heigl and Kutcher in a “funny” Mr. And Mrs. Smith ripoff? That can’t win.
And the Winner/Loser/Star of The Worst RomComs is:
Katherine Heigl, by a HAIR. Dane Cook haters should feel free to reverse this decision.