99 Thoughts Everyone Has At Whole Foods

Whole paycheck.

1. I will run in and purchase this one ingredient that I need for this recipe.
2. Probably don’t need a basket.
3. How do I pronounce it?
4. Za’atar.
5. Za-ah-tahr?
6. I’ll know it when I see it.
7. Hooray a sample!
8. Of bean crisps?
9. Dried beans?
10. Caesar dressing-flavoured dried beans?
11. I shall try them.
12. Oh! These are delicious.
14. I will not purchase.
15. But I will try 17 more, thanks.

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Flickr: 53339897@N06 / Via Creative Commons

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16. OK, Za’atar, where are you?
17. Are you by the fruit and veg?
18. No, but those avocadoes look amazing.
19. So ripe!
20. How are they so perfectly ripe!
21. Witchcraft!
22. Expensive expensive witchcraft.
23. Perhaps I will buy an avocado.
24. As a treat.
25. Such a healthy treat.
26. There are so many soy products.
27. Is soy good for you?
28. Should I be eating more soy?
29. What is soy?
30. Am I soy?
31. Soy soy soy.

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32. Oooh olive oil tasting.
33. The tasting assistant is very handsome.
34. I hope I will impress him with my olive oil knowledge.
35. Oil one — mmm, oily, olivey?
36. (smile at the assistant)
37. Oil two — mmm, olivey?
38. (smile nervously at the assistant)
39. I don’t actually know what the difference is between them.
40. This bread is nice though.
41. I will just take a bottle of the first one, and put it back later.
42. That is the easiest way out of this.
43. I must make sure I don’t actually buy it.
44. It is very expensive.
45. And it is just oil.
46. There are so many butters.
47. Peanut butter?
48. Almond butter?
49. Cashew butter?
50. Hazelnut butter?
51. Butter?

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52. I seem to be carrying quite a few things now.
53. Perhaps it’s time to run back and get a basket.
54. What is carob?
55. Is it different to cocoa nibs?
56. Is it better than cocoa nibs?
57. Do I care about organic beer?
58. I think so?
59. Maybe I should buy some and do a taste test.
60. For science.
61. I am so hungry.
62. I should have eaten before I came here.
63. Perhaps I’ll just pick up something from the salad bar.
64. I will be smart about it though.
65. No dead weight.
66. Looking at you, potatoes.
67. Stacking that tofu.
68. Light and airy tofu.
69. But those potatoes look so good.
70. Maybe one. Or two.
71. And broccoli, naturally.
72. Weighing it.
73. Crossing fingers.
74. !!!!!!!!!!
75. Take out the potatoes.

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Baby Mama/ Universal Pictures

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76. Time to go pay.
77. Do not purchase anything else.
78. Kombucha!
79. I have always wondered about Kombucha.
80. Such a fun word to say.
81. Like the name of a new dance craze.
82. Kom-boo-cha.
83. Is it good for me?
84. It must be.
85. I will just buy a small bottle.
86. For my health.
87. My body will thank me.
88. Time to pay.
89. Put the olive oil back on the shelf.
90. How much is this going to cost?
91. It’s only six items.
92. It won’t be too bad.
93. !!!!!!!!!!
94. Just pay and go.
95. I will relish this kombucha and this carob.
96. It will fortify me.
97. It better do, as I am not buying any more groceries this week.
98. Oh. Damnit.
99. I forgot the za’atar.

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Ailbhe Malone is the UK lifestyle editor for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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