The 17 Struggles Of Being Cripplingly Polite

Er, excuse me.

1. You slow your team down when playing sports.

 

“I’m sorry for running over you when trying to get to the ball,are you OK?”

2. You are always placed on the ‘difficult table’ at weddings.

Because the hosts know that you can chat politely to anyone.

3. You are so courteous that sometimes people think that you are being sarcastic.

4. You can’t leave a party without saying a proper goodbye to everyone.

5. Your emails are 50% longer than those of your colleagues.

“Hi, excuse me, sorry to bother you…”

6. You can never hang up on cold callers.

7. Ordering a drink takes five years.

You could flag down the bartender, but they’re clearly busy and you don’t want to interrupt.

8. Sending food back is a nightmare.

It’s fine. I can just eat around the cockroach. No, no I’ll send it back. “Excuse me, would you mind swapping this please? Thanks.”

9. You apologise on behalf of other people’s sneezes.

10. Mosh pits are stressful for the wrong reasons.

11. You find it difficult to express displeasure. As you get cross, you become increasingly more polite.

“I understand your opinion, and thank you for expressing it, but if you’d allow me to continue…”

12. Your personal hell: Noticing that someone’s zip is down.

It would be polite to tell them. But it would be impolite to cause them distress and embarrassment.

13. This t-shirt makes you feel very uncomfortable.

14. But you know that people will always want to be around you.

15. And you’re capable of turning down an invitation in the most charming of ways.

16. And if the situation presents itself, you’ll always behave impeccably.

17. Because really, being rude never helped anyone.

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