1.
When you blow your nose, black snot comes out.
2.
This man is our mayor.
3.
Everyone is so tired that trying to convince someone to travel a mile outside their post code is like this.
4.
In fact, trying to get anyone to commit to weekend plans is a mission.
5.
Renting will bankrupt you.
6.
That's if you can even find somewhere to rent.
7.
Deep breath. Time for the tube. Stand on the right hand side please!
8.
There's a special level of hell for those who wait until the last moment to take out their Oyster card.
9.
Taking the tube at rush hour is an exercise in breathing in through your mouth.
10.
Personal space is a distant memory.
11.
And all compassion for fellow commuters is swiftly lost.
12.
PLEASE MOVE DOWN INSIDE THE CARRIAGE.
13.
How can a circle be delayed? It's literally going round and round.
14.
Cash machines: never there when you need them.
15.
And if you do find one, then there's a fee.
17.
Regardless, any money you take out will be gone before you know it.
18.
Good luck buying a pint for under £4.
19.
The endless queues. For tourist attractions.
23.
Bus diversions. So many bus diversions.
24.
Bus weirdos are such a special breed of weirdo.
25.
Let's talk tourists. Tourists with maps and umbrellas.
26.
Tourists who dawdle walking down Regent St.
27.
Knowing that walking down Camden High Street will involve being asked for directions to Cyberdog.
28.
Pigeons. Rats with wings.
29.
Foxes. Cute now, but not when they're having screechy fox sex at night.
30.
Or when they're rummaging through your bins.
31.
Londoners who forget that there's life outside of London, and only talk about living in London.
But when it's good, it's very good.
And for a city of over 8 million, there are times when everybody becomes one.
Because at the end of it all:
