The Definitive Ranking Of The Best Words For “Drunk”

A serious inquiry. posted on

15.
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Two glasses of wine, no dinner.

Decision you might make while in this state: To send a work email after-hours. But you will triple-check it for any spelling errors.

14.
totalprosports.com / Via BuzzFeed

Too much. You drank too much and you drank all of it.

Decision you might make while in this state: To perform an athletic endeavour far beyond the remit of your body.

13.
NBC / Via BuzzFeed

Giddy and fuelled by a combination of drinks and a particularly good day.

Decision you might make in this state: To walk home, rather than take the bus. For four miles.

12.

You are a burly man. And you are very drunk.

Decision you might make in this state: To leave an overwhelmingly large tip for a barmaid, because she has kindly eyes.

11.
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Long lunch, several wines, heartwarming conversation.

Decision you might make while in this state: To go home and have a lovely nap.

10.
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You have been drinking solidly for most of the day. You have become nasty and beleaguered. But you continue.

Decision you might make in this state: To try and cleverly get into a nightclub without paying, by lurching into the bouncer.

9.
E4 / Via BuzzFeed

You are a teenager.

Decision you might make in this state: To call your ex, but also your parents, because you have vomited on yourself and would like to go home.

8.
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You are pretty drunk, probably on the most general bottle of white wine that the corner shop sells.

Decision you might make in this state: To take up a new hobby, thus spending £50 on calligraphy pens from Amazon.

7.
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You were having a nice time, but it has now all become A Bit Much.

Decision you might make in this state: You’ve gone rogue. Your friends don’t understand you. You slip out of the night club, into a taxi, and try to pay by bartering your shoe.

6.
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You are a 1920s socialite.

Decision you might make in this state: To drop in at your club, and then to visit your aunt Fanny in the country.

5.
BBC / Via BuzzFeed

A resolutely Scottish type of drunk.

Decision you might make in this state: To buy another bottle of Bucky.

4.
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You are over 60, most likely male, and have settled into the bar at the golf club.

Decision you might make in this state: To send the following text to your children: “hii can u record Strictly? thzx :-))KlLKNLS123”

3.
giphy.com / Via BuzzFeed

Four pints of ale, and you are ready to set the world to rights. Or to argue about how everybody else is wrong.

Decision you might make in this state: To circle around a pointless argument for the guts of an hour.

2.
memeguy.com / Via BuzzFeed

You are far drunker than you ought to be, and at an inopportune moment.

Decision you might make in this state: Washing your face in the sink to sober up, but end up splashing water all down your shirt.

1.
BBC / Via BuzzFeed

You are incredibly drunk, most likely on something that cost over £20 a bottle, but you don’t care because you are king of all you survey.

Decision you might make in this state: To take a taxi to the next destination, rather than walk for ten minutes, because you are not peasants.

Honourable mentions: Pissed as a newt, Gazeboed, Cucumbered, Had a snootful.

Images by Robin Edds and Tom Phillips

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