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15 Signs Your Supermarket Hates You

“Two for one on morons.” —Your Supermarket

1. As soon as you step in, it taunts you.

2. It insults you as you walk the aisles.

3. It pre-empts your purchases with snarky asides.

4. It charges per egg, daring you to challenge it.

5. It tells you that you don’t know what a donut is.

6. It passively suggests new activities for you.

7. It makes a mockery of your obsession with hygiene.

8. And even when you buy basics it mocks you.

9. It subtly challenges your mental arithmetic.

10. It suggests recipes you won’t try.

11. It trolls you in the bulletin board.

12. It collaborates with thieves.

13. It makes thinly veiled death threats.

14. It can barely conceal its loathing.

15. And it will never let you leave.

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