1. Cards on the table, I am pale. Irish pale. Like this girl sunbathing. No, not her. The other one.
4. Us pale people know to fear the sun. For us, tan is a four letter word.
6. Up until the 1920s, it wasn’t considered refined in Western countries to tan.
7. In fact, a backronym for the word ‘posh’ derives from the phrase ‘Port Out, Starboard Home’ - ie the shadiest sides of the ship on each voyage.
8. Tanning came back into fashion after Coco Chanel accidentally got sunburnt on holidays.
9. Her friends liked her suntan, and the trend caught on. Cheers, Coco.
10. But really, let’s think about this. Is a tan worth it?
14. No matter how much attention you pay to your suncream, there’ll always be a bit you miss.
16. And let’s say, against all odds, you manage to avoid sunburn, and pick up a tan.
17. Your friends will either tell you how odd you look…
21. Let’s not even talk about tanning booths, or the health risks involved.
22. Come on now. Would you rather be Lindsay, or Nicola?
23. Donatella or Dita?
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25. Thought as much. So pick up that parasol.