1. How does it feel to be a lame duck mayor?
“Who are tu callingo un lamero ducko mayorador? Esta still plentyo of damagero yo can do!”
2. Do you view de Blasio’s win as a repudiation of your controversial policies like stop and frisk?
“Stop y frisko no es controversial! Esta justo like los free hugs! Free hugs from tu friendlyo neighborhoodo policio hombre!”
3. Do you regret saying de Blasio ran a racist campaign?
“Pero de Blasio did ruñ un racist campaigño! Yo don’t see coloro. Literallyo. Todos los personas darkero than mi estan invisible.”
4. You said “the percentage of the public that’s going to elect de blasio is pretty small ” before the primary. Now he won by almost 50 points…
“Yo guesso personas que figured outo that Quinñ was just yo en an orangero wig.”
5. Has your legacy been tarnished?
“Mi legacyo estan perfecto.”
6. So what is your legacy?
“Yo soy el greatesto.”
7. Why do you hate soda?
“Estoy veryo shorto. Que vertically challengedo. Anythingo mas than 16 ounceros y soy would drowñi!”
8. Why do people love your Spanish so much? Why is it important to you?
“Personas love hearingo their languagero nativo.”
9. Why Citibike?
“Yo neededo un excusero to add mucho mad bike lanes!”
10. What is the one thing you wish you could have accomplished but didn’t?
“Yo reallyo wantedo to bañ todos los personas who are taller than mi. Yo me gusta beingo el gianto.”
11. Has the criticism that you governed for the rich and “are in the tank for Wall Street” been fair?
“Los millionaires estan mucho pooro comparedo to mi — so reallyo, yo governed para el pooro tambien.”
12. Some people thought you were overly harsh with Occupy Wall Street, throwing them out in the middle of the night. Would you do it the same way again?
“If yo had to do esto agaiño yo wouldn’t leto them en el parko to begiño with! Los uno percento estan número uno!”
13. What is your biggest accomplishment?
“Yo gentrifiedo muchos neighborhoods. Esta es at leasto un hipstero ironico everyo tres blocks! @EveryGentrifier estan takingo overo el cityo!”
14. Real talk, are you criticized too much?
“Si! Yo soy was amazingo for this Cityo. Un statue en my honoro shouldo be erectedo en el parko de central!”
15. What’s next for you? Would you consider running for president in 2016? Does the country need Presidente Bloombito?
“Yo won’t ruñ para presidente. They onlyo allowo dos termos!”
El Bloombito is the brainchild of Rachel Figueroa-Levin who can be found @jewyorican on Twitter.
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