The Shocking Truth Behind Vegetarianism

Inside the secret world of vegetable madness. We expose the seedy underbelly of the vegetable-industrial complex.

Think you're reducing suffering with that no-meat diet? Think again.

Just because vegetables don't have sensory organs, homes with flat screen TV's, or nervous systems then somehow vegetables don't feel things? WRONG.

A recent study by Bovine Studies, a Washington, DC based think tank, concluded that vegetables "feel as much sensation, if not more, than a cow." The researchers also found, "veggies have an amazing capacity for empathy, way more than cows."

When hooked up to a heart rate monitor and shown a series of graphic imagery, vegetables reacted with a calm, almost zen-like, acceptance of the world around them. By contrast, the control group of cows grew increasingly excited by the scenes of human suffering.

Researchers concluded that the cows "exhibited a feral lust for blood rarely found outside the shark or sharknado families."

Study: "Vegetables linked to violent insanity"

This service animal had to be put down after it tested positive for Asian Chicken Salad Encephalitis, or "Lettuce Fever".

Growing evidence suggests that people who commit violent crimes are an astonishing nine-million percent as likely to have eaten a vegetable that day as people who have not.

"Obviously, if you don't count the deceased, it changes the numbers a bit. But I think the statistics speak for themselves," said Wayne Steerman, a spokesman for Bovine Studies.

Cow-related terrorism a threat national security?

This cow attempted to offer material aid to ISIS.

"Cow sympathizers are putting American lives at risk," continued Steerman, reclining in his leather chair.

Islamo-fascists and vegetarians are both well-known for their consumption of vegetables. It is, perhaps, the defining aspect of both groups.

The study concluded that "consuming meat may be the only cure for vegetarianism."