Rugrats
1. First off: Why were those babies almost never supervised? In literally every episode they just wander off from their parents. It's amazing they survived at all.
2. Stu was obviously suffering from clinical depression. Remember when he made pudding at 4 a.m. because he'd "lost control of his life?"
3. There was a character named...Uncle Semen? Did you hear that right?
4. Let's not forget Grandpa's penchant for porn:
5. Remember that episode where Chucky's dad loses his mind and replaces him with a creepy sock puppet?
6. How 'bout when Stu took Tommy to the post office and there was a corpse in the mail chute?
7. And then there was that circumcision joke from The Rugrats Movie.
8. In fact, there were a lot of weird dream sequences. Like When Angelica was an obese monster who subsisted on syrup.
9. And what about Angelica's evil giant baby brother?
10. Oh, and that time in Chucky's nightmare when Tommy looked like an evil clown from hell?
11. The monster under Chucky's bed was horrifying.
12. So were the evil dust bunnies that Angelica conviced the babies were "monsters that eat soft, juicy, tender, little babies."
13. Oh yeah, Stu was also a horrifying clown in one episode.
Rocko's Modern Life
14. Rocko's Modern Life was filthy. There was a doctor named Bendova.
15. Rocko moonlighted as a phone sex operator.
16. There was a doughnut shop called Felch Donuts. If you don't know what felching is... well, consider yourself blessed.
17. Really Really Big Man had really really big nipples.
18. In one episode, Rocko's neighbor tries to drug him with Spanish Fly. In the cartoon, the Bigheads eat flies, but in real life there's a drug called Spanish Fly (aka cantharidin) that irritates the genitals resulting in increased blood flow.
19. Rocko carries an A$$ card.
20. Remember when Rocko watched Night of the Shaved Kittens?
21. Or when that slug was watching porn?
22. Or how about that sleazy sex motel?
23. Rocko grabbed a bear's dick that one time:
24. And that time Heffer got milked was...interesting.
Doug
25. There's a good chance Mr. Dink was sterile. DINK = "Double Income, No Kids." Sure, maybe the Dinks didn't want kids, but then why was Mr. Dink always hanging out with a child?
26. Doug was clearly suffering from something unspecified that the show never dealt with. He had delusions of grandeur, he was painfully awkward, he had trouble focusing in school, and had a huge inferiority complex. What's up, Doug? Let it out.
27. Then there's this:
28. Let's not forget the time Chap Lipman from The Beets discussed how weed influenced the band's success.
Hey Arnold!
29. How was Helga not arrested for assault for beating the crap out of Brainy so often?
30. Helga's mom was an alcoholic. She was frequently drunk.
31. Oskar was addicted to gambling, and frequently tried to cheat people out of cash to aid his addiction.
32. Stoop Kid was abandoned on a stoop as a baby and has spent his entire life on a stoop. ON A STOOP. WHERE DOES HE POOP.
33. Arnold's 81-year-old grandmother clearly lost her mind years ago. She might've even been schizophrenic.
34. Arnold's grandpa also lost his mind, but for different reasons:
Ren and Stimpy
35. Everything. Everything about this show was messed up. How did our parents let us watch this?