1. The one who drank waaay too much pumpkin ale and is flirting with e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e.
Thanksgiving food of choice: Beer, ale, cranberry schnapps, Kahlua, whatchu got?
Would rather be: In a couple hours, home in bed, passed out.
2. The one who brought their own special food, but not enough to share.
Thanksgiving food of choice: The organic free-range macrobiotic bean mash they brought in a Tupperware. And they need your oven for, like, 30 minutes, tops. Thaaaaanks.
Would rather be: Shopping on Goop.
3. The one who’s been cooking since dawn and is this close to cutting someone.
Thanksgiving food of choice: At this point the mere sight of food is nauseating.
Would rather be: Dead.
4. The one who ate waaay too much food and is about to be flirting with the toilet.
Thanksgiving food of choice: Yes.
Would rather be: In a time machine so they could travel back in time and maybe not inhale five slices of turkey, three pounds of mashed potatoes, and a whole bucket of peppermint bark.
5. The one who brought half a bag of chips even though it’s a potluck dinner and it’s like, really, dude?
Thanksgiving food of choice: Willing to bet it’s not the nasty-ass stale Doritos they brought.
Would rather be: Playing Xbox, so if you could make him a doggie bag to go…
6. The weird one nobody really knows, and no one is quite sure who invited.
Thanksgiving food of choice: Stuffing and tap water.
Would rather be: Traveling through space and time on the back of a luck dragon. Or maybe at home watching Two Broke Girls on Hulu.
7. The ~foodie~ who takes a million photos of their food.
Thanksgiving food of choice: It totally depends on which filter they’re using. Walden for mashed potatoes, Earlybird for turkey, X-Pro II for cranberry sauce…
Would rather be: Havin’ Thanksgiving dinner at Diddy’s house, whaaaaaaaaaat.
8. The one who keeps reminding everyone that Thanksgiving was invented by Hallmark or it’s all about massacres or whatever.
Thanksgiving food of choice: THE COLD HARD TRUTH
Would rather be: At the head of the table so their voice travels better.
9. Someone’s dog hovering around, desperately hoping for scraps.
Thanksgiving food of choice: Something. Anything. What is that? I want it. Gimme it. I need it. Please. I want it. Give it to me.
Would rather be: JUST GIMME THE FOOD OMG GIMME IT