1. There’s already a built-in fanbase for Hocus Pocus, which has only grown over the past 20 years (thanks to seasonal showings on ABC Family).
2. People can’t keep seeing Wicked over and over, they NEED another musical about witches.
3. The world would FINALLY have a full version of “I Put a Spell on You.”
4. And who wouldn’t want an expanded version of Sarah Sanderson’s eerie “Come Little Children?”
5. Ice would get a solo song (or possibly a rap) about how badass he is.
6. The costumes would be insane.
7. Don’t even start on how incredible the makeup would be.
8. It’s always cool to have animals onstage, and just like with productions of Annie, they could choose a shelter cat to play Thackery Binx.
9. Or if a live cat is too unruly, they can just pull the mechanical puppet that played Salem on Sabrina the Teenage Witch out of storage.
10. They could make special edition playbills that look like Winifred Sanderson’s spellbook.
11. Honestly, industrial fans and stage wires were INVENTED for a Hocus Pocus stage musical.
12. Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker have Broadway experience already, so you know they’d reprise their roles.
13. Or better yet, they could offer the role of Mary Sanderson to their original first choice, Rosie O’ Donnell.
Or not, depending on your preference for portly goofball witches.
14. If Sarah Jessica Parker were unavailable to play Sarah Sanderson, drag superstar Sharon Needles would fit the bill perfectly.
15. Omri Katz isn’t up to much these days, so maybe he could reprise his role as moody virgin Max Dennison.
So what if he’s 37? Slap a floppy wig on him and bam! Instant teenager.
OK, maybe not, but there are no rules in Broadway.
16. Hocus Pocus sort of fizzled at the box office in 1993, but so did Kinky Boots in 2005, and that was revived as a stage play and just won the Tony for Best Musical.
So why not Hocus Pocus?
17. The whole production would need, like, $20 million in capital, tops. Totes affordable!
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