“It’s a finger lickin’ nightmare.” Is it, though? Is it?
Nothing about this is creepy except for the fact that the girl sort of looks like a Gelfling from The Dark Crystal.
If there’s one thing to be learned from Grumpy Cat and Lil Bub, it’s that deformed animals need love too. That fish just needs a hug.
What self-respecting mutant koala leaves the house in fuchsia and teal?
This one’s obviously a parable to having terrible roommates, which is less scary and more annoying.
Giant axe wielding maniacs should be scary, but notice how that axe has no dried blood on it? It’s obviously this dude’s first day on the job. He might even be an intern. NOT SCARY.
Literally the scariest thing about this cover is that he decided to paint his castle hot pink. Also, kiiiiiind of phallic, buddy. You have something you wanna get off your chest?
Unless learning to fly involves goblins, witches, or trolls, there’s nothing creepy here.
If you’re an insomniac, any alarm clock is going to be downright terrifying. Otherwise, this cover is just goofy.
R. L. Stine was obviously R. L. Stoned when he wrote this one. Still, giant blobs are somewhat alarming.
There’s a subculture of art school hipsters who claim this is the best Goosebumps book of all time, and they might be right. The cover is completely ridiculous, though.
Real piano lessons are freakier than this cover. Sorry, R. L. Stine, but disembodied hands are so passé.
Plant people don’t pose much of a challenge. Just chop ‘em up, toss with a nice vinaigrette, and serve in a large wooden bowl.
Murderous snowmen are a bit alarming, until you realize they can be defeated with a blowdryer.
Yeti creatures are almost as ridiculous as real snowmen, but at least they won’t melt when they come inside.
Is this one even supposed to be scary? Those lizard guys seem like pretty chill bros.
It’s safe to assume Shock Street was named after British university administrator and educationalist Maurice Shock, right? What’s so scary about that?
As of 2010, there have been no fatalities from hammerhead sharks. Plus, only 3 of the 9 known species of hammerheads are dangerous to humans. Scientifically, that swimming kid has nothing to worry about.
Is the house full of dead people? Is the house itself dead? This is confusing.
INVISIBILITY IS NOT SCARY. That cat is only freaked out because that floating soda is 350 calories.
No, sorry, invisibility still isn’t scary, even in an attic.
This was probably scary in the mid-90s, but ever since Monsters Inc, bedtime creatures just don’t cut it the way they used to.
This monster’s hand is at least a little more grosteque, and… wait, is that kid missing a thumb?
Shrunken heads were totally the “it” accessory of 1995. Still, whoever was in charge of head shrinking didn’t do a great job. That head is huge. Come on, Head Shrinker, you had one job.
The artist obviously did his best to make rabbits seem frightening, but bunnies are adorable. Magicians, on the other hand…
What exactly would a lawn gnome want revenge for? Unmowed grass? Too many summer barbecues? Dog poop? It’s probably dog poop.
Green ooze isn’t scary, but the thought of cleaning it out of hard wood stairs is super stressful.
No, adding an evil hamster won’t make green ooze happen.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE GREEN OOZE HAPPEN. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Blue ooze isn’t much scarier, but huge-lipped slugs are.
Ghosts are slightly chilling, except most of them just turn out to be lonely (or according to Are You Afraid of the Dark, simply cold and missing their favorite jacket). Ghosts are lame.
Headless, armless, legless, buttless, whatever. Missing body parts doesn’t make ghosts much scarier.
Why is that human girl following a line of ghosts? Where’s Oda Mae Brown when you need her? YOU IN DANGER, GIRL.
Alright, alright, this was like the one time ghosts were creepy.
School is inherently terrifying, but this cover brings up so many questions. Why is everything in the locker black and white? How is getting A’s and B’s on papers scary? What school requires students to carry seventeen books?
First of all, that’s a bunny, not a dog. But it’s a pretty creepy bunny.
This is what happens when you let your laundry pile up too long. Things grow in it. Terrifying.
Judging by that amount of lens flare, those pumpkin kids are about to be hit by a semi. As creepy as this cover is, it’s about to get a lot more gruesome.
Creepy mask, sure. But the true terror of this cover comes from those fugly overalls.
OK, now that’s a creepy mask. This kid is serving some seasick Bea Arthur realness, honey.
Have you ever smelled rotten eggs? Yeah.
Skeletons aren’t that creepy (we’ve all got one), but being forced to hang out with your family is PETRIFYING.
…and the sequel is even worse. At least at a barbecue you can wander off to play whiffle ball.
Vampire breath probably smells like rancid, congealed blood. Yeah, no thanks.
According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, there were more than 15,000 amusement ride-related injuries in 2005 in the U.S. From 1987 to 2000, there were an estimated 4.5 amusement ride-related deaths per year. Who knows how many deaths occur at Horrorland? The thought is downright bone-chilling.
Camping can be pretty nerve-wracking, but who leaves their tent wide open for monsters to crawl inside? No sympathy here.
Actually, there’s a lot going on here creepy-wise. The Georgian Colonial house, the super high waisted pants on that counselor, and of course that FREE DECAL OF DOOM.
What cocky child is claiming to be unfazed by those swamp trolls? Whoever he is, he’s a lying little bastard.
Mummies are essentially zombies, and zombies are scary as shit.
In the sequel, the mummy is apparently super smelly. Eek!
Is there anything more frightening than scarecrows? No. The answer is no.
Ok, fine. Evil dummies are scarier than scarecrows. Barely.
Evil dummies who might be injecting heroin in a child’s bedroom are even scarier.
Ok, ten dummies? That’s just ridiculous. Everything had to be so eXTreMe in the ’90s.