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A Definitive Ranking Of Every "Goosebumps" Cover By Creepiness

From least to most goosebumps-inducing.

62.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

“It’s a finger lickin’ nightmare.” Is it, though? Is it?

61.
Scholastic / Via buzzfeed.com

Nothing about this is creepy except for the fact that the girl sort of looks like a Gelfling from The Dark Crystal.

60.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

If there’s one thing to be learned from Grumpy Cat and Lil Bub, it’s that deformed animals need love too. That fish just needs a hug.

59.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

What self-respecting mutant koala leaves the house in fuchsia and teal?

58.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

What.

57.
Scholastic / Via buzzfeed.com

This one’s obviously a parable to having terrible roommates, which is less scary and more annoying.

56.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Giant axe wielding maniacs should be scary, but notice how that axe has no dried blood on it? It’s obviously this dude’s first day on the job. He might even be an intern. NOT SCARY.

55.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Literally the scariest thing about this cover is that he decided to paint his castle hot pink. Also, kiiiiiind of phallic, buddy. You have something you wanna get off your chest?

54.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Unless learning to fly involves goblins, witches, or trolls, there’s nothing creepy here.

53.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

If you’re an insomniac, any alarm clock is going to be downright terrifying. Otherwise, this cover is just goofy.

52.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

R. L. Stine was obviously R. L. Stoned when he wrote this one. Still, giant blobs are somewhat alarming.

51.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

There’s a subculture of art school hipsters who claim this is the best Goosebumps book of all time, and they might be right. The cover is completely ridiculous, though.

50.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Real piano lessons are freakier than this cover. Sorry, R. L. Stine, but disembodied hands are so passé.

49.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

A for effort, but gross =/= scary.

48.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Plant people don’t pose much of a challenge. Just chop ‘em up, toss with a nice vinaigrette, and serve in a large wooden bowl.

47.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Murderous snowmen are a bit alarming, until you realize they can be defeated with a blowdryer.

46.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Yeti creatures are almost as ridiculous as real snowmen, but at least they won’t melt when they come inside.

45.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Is this one even supposed to be scary? Those lizard guys seem like pretty chill bros.

44.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

It’s safe to assume Shock Street was named after British university administrator and educationalist Maurice Shock, right? What’s so scary about that?

43.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

As of 2010, there have been no fatalities from hammerhead sharks. Plus, only 3 of the 9 known species of hammerheads are dangerous to humans. Scientifically, that swimming kid has nothing to worry about.

42.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Is that guy eating bugs? Eww.

41.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Is the house full of dead people? Is the house itself dead? This is confusing.

40.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

INVISIBILITY IS NOT SCARY. That cat is only freaked out because that floating soda is 350 calories.

39.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

No, sorry, invisibility still isn’t scary, even in an attic.

38.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Werewolves are so over.

37.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

STILL OVER.

36.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

This was probably scary in the mid-90s, but ever since Monsters Inc, bedtime creatures just don’t cut it the way they used to.

35.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

This monster’s hand is at least a little more grosteque, and… wait, is that kid missing a thumb?

34.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Shrunken heads were totally the “it” accessory of 1995. Still, whoever was in charge of head shrinking didn’t do a great job. That head is huge. Come on, Head Shrinker, you had one job.

33.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

The artist obviously did his best to make rabbits seem frightening, but bunnies are adorable. Magicians, on the other hand…

32.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

What exactly would a lawn gnome want revenge for? Unmowed grass? Too many summer barbecues? Dog poop? It’s probably dog poop.

31.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Green ooze isn’t scary, but the thought of cleaning it out of hard wood stairs is super stressful.

30.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

No, adding an evil hamster won’t make green ooze happen.

29.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

STOP TRYING TO MAKE GREEN OOZE HAPPEN. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

28.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Blue ooze isn’t much scarier, but huge-lipped slugs are.

27.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Ghosts are slightly chilling, except most of them just turn out to be lonely (or according to Are You Afraid of the Dark, simply cold and missing their favorite jacket). Ghosts are lame.

26.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Headless, armless, legless, buttless, whatever. Missing body parts doesn’t make ghosts much scarier.

25.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Why is that human girl following a line of ghosts? Where’s Oda Mae Brown when you need her? YOU IN DANGER, GIRL.

24.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Alright, alright, this was like the one time ghosts were creepy.

23.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

School is inherently terrifying, but this cover brings up so many questions. Why is everything in the locker black and white? How is getting A’s and B’s on papers scary? What school requires students to carry seventeen books?

22.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

School + Broadway = marginally spooky.

21.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

First of all, that’s a bunny, not a dog. But it’s a pretty creepy bunny.

20.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

This is what happens when you let your laundry pile up too long. Things grow in it. Terrifying.

19.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Judging by that amount of lens flare, those pumpkin kids are about to be hit by a semi. As creepy as this cover is, it’s about to get a lot more gruesome.

18.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Creepy mask, sure. But the true terror of this cover comes from those fugly overalls.

17.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

OK, now that’s a creepy mask. This kid is serving some seasick Bea Arthur realness, honey.

16.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Puberty is horrifying.

15.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Have you ever smelled rotten eggs? Yeah.

14.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Skeletons aren’t that creepy (we’ve all got one), but being forced to hang out with your family is PETRIFYING.

13.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

…and the sequel is even worse. At least at a barbecue you can wander off to play whiffle ball.

12.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Vampire breath probably smells like rancid, congealed blood. Yeah, no thanks.

11.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, there were more than 15,000 amusement ride-related injuries in 2005 in the U.S. From 1987 to 2000, there were an estimated 4.5 amusement ride-related deaths per year. Who knows how many deaths occur at Horrorland? The thought is downright bone-chilling.

10.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Camping can be pretty nerve-wracking, but who leaves their tent wide open for monsters to crawl inside? No sympathy here.

9.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Actually, there’s a lot going on here creepy-wise. The Georgian Colonial house, the super high waisted pants on that counselor, and of course that FREE DECAL OF DOOM.

8.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

What cocky child is claiming to be unfazed by those swamp trolls? Whoever he is, he’s a lying little bastard.

7.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Mummies are essentially zombies, and zombies are scary as shit.

6.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

In the sequel, the mummy is apparently super smelly. Eek!

5.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Is there anything more frightening than scarecrows? No. The answer is no.

4.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Ok, fine. Evil dummies are scarier than scarecrows. Barely.

3.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Evil dummies who might be injecting heroin in a child’s bedroom are even scarier.

2.
Scholastic / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

Ok, ten dummies? That’s just ridiculous. Everything had to be so eXTreMe in the ’90s.

1.
Scholastic/Your Nightmares / Via goosebumps.wikia.com

WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE HELL. OH MY GOD, HELP HELP HELP.

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