1. When this flying canoe came into the stadium piloted by some guy who kind of looks like the Tin Man from far away, carrying the three children who acted as the audience’s guides for the ceremony.
2. And then he was really creepy and tried to catch the air (?) with this fishing net.
3. Russia poked fun at itself by mimicking the fifth ring’s failure to open during the opening ceremony.
4. These awesome army soldiers came out and did their thing (although it wasn’t quite as great as the policemen singing Daft Punk at the opening ceremony).
5. Those women with the crazy headdresses from the opening ceremony were back.
6. And the delegate from Bermuda continued to prove that Bermuda doesn’t give a fuck if it’s winter, they will ALWAYS wear those shorts.
Check him out on the far left.
7. There were some people walking around an upside-down village for a bit.
8. This pianist played some awesome tunes while surrounded by SO MANY MEN IN WIGS.
SO MANY WIGS.
9. Members of the Bolshoi ballet absolutely KILLED a dance sequence.
10. All the while hanging out under this ginormous chandelier.
11. The three kids climbed up a stack of books and were surrounded by a paper tornado.
12. And then this guy ran across the stage with some really fucking awesome muttonchops.
13. Of course, there was time for this gigantic circus tent to appear.
14. And for this woman to contort her body into the most painful looking poses possible.
15. Late in the show, the next Olympic host, PyeongChang, South Korea, got a chance to show its stuff and its performers brought out some huge light-up balls that turned into snowmen.
16. And this singer serenaded the whole scene while rocking perhaps the most impressive sash of the entire Olympics.
17. At the end, Sochi’s terror-inducing mascots came onstage to help extinguish the Olympic flame and also cause a week’s worth of nightmares for everyone watching.
18. We discovered that the three kids who were guiding the whole journey are actually super-talented gymnasts as they busted out some flips.
19. But, alas, the ceremony had to come to an end, and the kids were carried away on a flying steampunky ship as a woman in white sang opera.
20. Bye, Sochi! We’ll miss you.
Although this image of the bear crying may haunt us forever.