1. Because you don't want to be stuck one vowel short for the rest of your life.
2. Because you might end up looking like a cannibal.
3. Or worse, you might have been following Rachael Ray's recipes without even realizing what was in them.
4. Because you shouldn't be wearing any people, no matter the race.
5. Because you might end up with a completely unusable bathroom.
6. Because Carrie is not a geometric form.
7. Because coffee cans aren't all that good at getting people out of dire situations.
8. Because now everyone is going to wonder what Owen's been doing in your cars.
9. Because Stan can't handle all of this attention.
10. Because you might be giving trespassers free rein.
11. Because the rest of the magicians will be pretty pissed that you're screwing up their message.
12. Because Monique won't hesitate to call you out.
13. Because you might end up being expected to provide a lot more dinner than you originally anticipated.
14. Because you might accidentally be undermining your entire business model.
15. Because you don't want to be caught making such bold accusations.
16. Because Pager didn't do anything to deserve your scorn.
17. Because the grammar police WILL show up and arrest you.
18. Because your restaurant might start losing a lot of customers.
19. Because your knock-knock joke could end up being thrown back in your face.
20. Because you don't want it to look like your college education is going to waste.
21. Because that's just TMI, Brittney.
22. Because Kurt doesn't mess around.
23. Because even if the photo could work both ways, you still want to make sure your caption is correct.
24. Because your fridge definitely won't be able to fit that much food in it.
25. Because your brilliant political treatise won't get the respect it deserves.
26. Because it's not the thought that counts, it's proper grammar.
27. And because you can never trust Microsoft Word.
