The 21 Worst Things About Taking The Subway In The Summer

Because it’s sooo pleasant being confined underground with tons of sweaty, smelly strangers.

1. The close quarters mean you are up close and personal with the bright, glistening, NASTY SWEAT on everyone else’s bodies.

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2. Not to mention the smell.

No one smells good during the summer. No one.

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3. Waiting on the platform is akin to being forced into the mouth of hell.

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4. And when you have to wait extra long because of a delay, the pain grows.

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5. You think that the breeze from a passing train is a godsend…until you think about the fact that all that air has just been stewing underground with trash and rats.

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6. The train is always so crowded that the air conditioning in the car doesn’t even provide that much relief.

Bodies bodies bodies UGH.

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7. When you see an empty car, you think you’ve found relief — only to discover that the A/C is broken in there.

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And you’re stuck in that car until you can get to the next station.

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8. If you have to dress up for work, all those layers basically suffocate you.

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9. Grabbing the pole and feeling the nasty body sweat left behind by the previous rider is never fun.

Pray it’s just hand sweat and not from…whatever this guy is doing.

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10. And if you need to reach up to grab a pole, there’s a 100% chance you will expose embarrassing armpit stains.

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11. If pit sweat isn’t enough, there’s back sweat.

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12. Plus your hair gets all sweaty and gross and is basically like a wet mop just sitting on your head.

Not to mention other people’s hair that hits you in the face.

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13. And because of all the sweat covering literally every inch of your body, you’re bound to feel self-conscious the entire trip.

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And that stress just makes the sweating worse :(

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14. Carrying heavy grocery bags just doubles all this horror.

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15. As if people bringing smelly food on the train isn’t bad enough, all the heat just amplifies those awful fumes.

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16. If you get a seat, your thighs sweat so much that they stick to the bench.

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17. And it’s not like you can get away from thigh-seat contact, since the only way to deal with the weather is to wear the skimpiest clothing that’s still appropriate in public.

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18. Any time a crowded train jerks around, you get pushed up against the sweaty limbs of your fellow passengers on this trip through the inferno.

Please don’t touch please don’t touch please don’t…

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19. And stopping between stations is like a delay in the pits of hell.

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20. Even after you get off, you’re still sweating so much that you arrive at your destination totally drenched.

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21. Oh, you want to avoid the subway by walking to your destination? THERE’S NO RELIEF FROM THE HEAT AND THE SWEAT AND THE GROSS.

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Because no matter what, the subway always wins.

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