18 Things Trans Men Are Tired Of Hearing

"How do you have sex?"

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1. How long have you been a man?

Via televandalist.com

How am I meant to measure that? Do I start counting from the day I grew a beard? Started taking hormones? Changed my name? Or maybe from when I first said, "I am a boy," at 4 years old. Or maybe everyone could just accept that I've been a man my entire life — my body just didn’t agree.

2. You’d never be able to tell you’re trans.

Sophie Moore / Via lewishancox.com

This is kind of like saying, "You’d never be able to tell you were a girl", as though I’m successfully fooling the world. It also implies that if you could tell I was trans, that would be bad, whereas actually I felt just as male before my physical transition as I do now. We shouldn’t validate people on how well they pass as their true gender; it’s how they identify that counts.

3. So your girlfriend must be gay, right?

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Quite simply, no. It's totally possible for straight girls to date trans guys.

4. You’re so lucky to have found somebody!

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I mean, sure. But falling in love is always kinda lucky, right? When I hear this, it sounds like you think it’s a miracle anybody could be with me. Which isn't very nice.

5. What was your name before?

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Our new names are the ones that matter. Ask about those.

6. You’ve got a better beard than me!

Lewis Hancox / Via lewishancox.com

We can almost feel that sentence ending with, "and I’m a REAL man!" There’s really no need to compare trans guys to non-trans guys. We are just men who are born a little differently to you.

7. How do you have sex?

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Would you ask a non-trans stranger that question? It’s pretty personal.

8. Each to their own.

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This sounds like the sort of thing you’d say when discussing your favourite ice cream flavour. Transitioning is not trivial, and being transgender certainly is not a choice or a preference.

9. If I fancy you, does it make me gay or straight?

scottpilgrimthemovie.com

Above and beyond being trans, we are men – it’s not that complicated. If you fancy someone, you fancy someone. That's it. Nothing should stop you getting to know them.

10. It’s a shame – you were so pretty before!

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It’s really not a "shame" though, is it? If I could have been happy living as a "pretty" girl, life would have been a whole lot easier.

11. You’ve had the best of both worlds.

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Same goes for, "You must know what women like". If only! It’s safe to say that despite forcing myself into a dress at my school prom, I’ve never known how it feels to be a woman and I think most trans men would say the same.

12. Don’t worry, I’ve got a friend who’s gay.

Via reactiongifs.us

An alarming number of people think being transgender is the same as being gay. And even though we get that you're trying to be accepting, it implies that trans is to do with sexuality. You can be gay and trans, of course, but you can also be straight and trans. Your sexuality is about who you're attracted to, not what gender you are.

13. You’re so brave!

Lewis Hancox / Via lewishancox.com

It’s hard to be offended by this because it’s a kind statement. That said, transitioning isn’t an act of bravery because there’s no choice involved. Not becoming who I am would have been unimaginable. Transitioning is about acting upon who you are.

14. Have you got a penis?

Big Talk Productions / Via ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com

Getting lower surgery doesn’t make you any more of a man. And actually, our anatomies change with testosterone treatment to become more male, so many trans guys don’t feel the need for surgery.

15. Why not just be a butch lesbian?

Lewis Hancox / Via lewishancox.com

"Transguy" isn't a software update from "lesbian". Loads of trans guys have always liked men, or both men and women, or just women. And being "butch" is irrelevant. Come on!

16. You’ll never change your chromosomes.

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Who in their right mind is going to care about my DNA? And actually, some biological females are actually born with male chromosomes and vice versa. Plus there are intersex people. What I'm saying is: Biological gender isn’t always black and white.

17. I’ve never met a trans man before!

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Are you sure? You might have met loads and just not have known they were trans.

18. So you want to be a woman?

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You gotta laugh at this one. When some people discover I’m trans, their minds jump to visions of me "cross-dressing" in women’s clothes. The look on their faces when I say, "No, I was born female," is priceless.